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  • What is in Neil's Pants?

    I, Nikita, Spouse of Neil, being of (questionable) sound mind and body do hereby declare the following to the interwebs. In the event that the spousal unit, Neil, does not empty his pants pockets before placing worn and or soiled laundry in the hamper the contents of aforementioned pants pockets will be shared with the internet, including but not limited to digital copies, video archival, or text based inventory.

    Thank you,
    Nikita



    Many of you know Neil, you have seen him at con, you might have even shared a beer. If you have seen him on more than one occasion you may recognize that he always wears the same style, and often same style and color of cargo-style-military-spy pants. If you may also note, Joe Grand, aka Kingpin and Neil dress almost exactly alike, down to the same brand of cargo pant. This is not really relevant but what the heck I'm on a rant.. Neil owns several pairs of these tired army green pants, thanks to me he also owns them in black as well. He will wear the same style, same colors, every day of every week. So basically, Neil looks to the average man like he never changes his damn pants. Well, he does. He does change them and throw them in the laundry. He takes what HE WANTS out of the pockets, considers the rest to be riff raff and deposits them in the hamper. Meanwhile leaving me to empty all ninety thousand pockets, secret compartments and spy nooks that said gang green colored fatigues are composed off. Sort through it, wasting my precious time, that I could be using yelling at someone ELSE on the internet to determine if he needed that receipt for $2.31 from merchant 011199648753687465.

    This leaves me with three options:

    1.Saying F#%$% It and throw the pants in the wash willy nilly and hope for the best.
    2.Asking spousal unit to remove his papers, tinder, classified documents, etc from pants fully.
    3.Making a spectacle of it on the internet, at his expense, because 1 & 2 failed repeatedly.


    For the first edition of ~~~WHAT'S IN NEIL'S PANTS?~~~ I present to you..... the first of many... random selection:

    1. Target coupon for $1 off any 20-oz or larger bagged candy from Nestle or Wonka. THis coupon expires 04/19/2010.

    The first person to correctly tell me the design on the first Riviera Key Card that Neil designed may WIN this exact coupon.


    This lovely item was nestled amongst 17 different and equally unexciting receipts that I sifted through to find this gem. Hurry! It can be yours if you act fast!



    /rant


    I have no idea why......
    "Haters, gonna hate"

  • #2
    Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

    Originally posted by Nikita View Post
    I, Nikita, Spouse of Neil, being of (questionable) sound mind and body do hereby declare the following to the interwebs. In the event that the spousal unit, Neil, does not empty his pants pockets before placing worn and or soiled laundry in the hamper the contents of aforementioned pants pockets will be shared with the internet, including but not limited to digital copies, video archival, or text based inventory.

    Thank you,
    Nikita



    Many of you know Neil, you have seen him at con, you might have even shared a beer. If you have seen him on more than one occasion you may recognize that he always wears the same style, and often same style and color of cargo-style-military-spy pants. If you may also note, Joe Grand, aka Kingpin and Neil dress almost exactly alike, down to the same brand of cargo pant. This is not really relevant but what the heck I'm on a rant.. Neil owns several pairs of these tired army green pants, thanks to me he also owns them in black as well. He will wear the same style, same colors, every day of every week. So basically, Neil looks to the average man like he never changes his damn pants. Well, he does. He does change them and throw them in the laundry. He takes what HE WANTS out of the pockets, considers the rest to be riff raff and deposits them in the hamper. Meanwhile leaving me to empty all ninety thousand pockets, secret compartments and spy nooks that said gang green colored fatigues are composed off. Sort through it, wasting my precious time, that I could be using yelling at someone ELSE on the internet to determine if he needed that receipt for $2.31 from merchant 011199648753687465.

    This leaves me with three options:

    1.Saying F#%$% It and throw the pants in the wash willy nilly and hope for the best.
    2.Asking spousal unit to remove his papers, tinder, classified documents, etc from pants fully.
    3.Making a spectacle of it on the internet, at his expense, because 1 & 2 failed repeatedly.


    For the first edition of ~~~WHAT'S IN NEIL'S PANTS?~~~ I present to you..... the first of many... random selection:

    1. Target coupon for $1 off any 20-oz or larger bagged candy from Nestle or Wonka. THis coupon expires 04/19/2010.

    The first person to correctly tell me the design on the first Riviera Key Card that Neil designed may WIN this exact coupon.


    This lovely item was nestled amongst 17 different and equally unexciting receipts that I sifted through to find this gem. Hurry! It can be yours if you act fast!



    /rant


    I have no idea why......
    Ok...I may have the year wrong, but I believe the first key Neil designed was DC14 and the key was black with the white/grey ninja on it.
    perl -e 'print pack(c5, (41*2), sqrt(7056), (unpack(c,H)-2), oct(115), 10)'

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

      Originally posted by Chris View Post
      Ok...I may have the year wrong, but I believe the first key Neil designed was DC14 and the key was black with the white/grey ninja on it.
      AND THE WINNER HAS BEEN CHOOSEN!! I will be mailing you the coupon shortly.

      Tune in Next week for more Defcon related random trivia...to win something in or around Neil's pants!!

      ps. you might want to keep an eye on this thread...as this information may become useful in the future.
      "Haters, gonna hate"

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

        Originally posted by Nikita View Post
        AND THE WINNER HAS BEEN CHOOSEN!! I will be mailing you the coupon shortly.

        Tune in Next week for more Defcon related random trivia...to win something in or around Neil's pants!!

        ps. you might want to keep an eye on this thread...as this information may become useful in the future.
        This is truly an honor. First, I'd like to thank my parents for not aborting me. I'd like to thank the academy. To all the naysayers out there, just because you didn't believe in me it never stopped me from believing in myself. To all my fans, I wouldn't be here without you. Last but not least I'd like to thank Neil and Nikita. Neil for having so much in his pants and Nikita for tirelessly putting her hands into Neil's pants. Without you none of this would be possible. DAMMIT TURN THAT MUSIC OFF I'M NOT DONE!!!
        perl -e 'print pack(c5, (41*2), sqrt(7056), (unpack(c,H)-2), oct(115), 10)'

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

          Originally posted by Nikita View Post
          I, Nikita, Spouse of Neil, being of (questionable) sound mind and body do hereby declare the following to the interwebs. In the event that the spousal unit, Neil, does not empty his pants pockets before placing worn and or soiled laundry in the hamper the contents of aforementioned pants pockets will be shared with the internet, including but not limited to digital copies, video archival, or text based inventory.

          Thank you,
          Nikita


          This leaves me with three options:

          1.Saying F#%$% It and throw the pants in the wash willy nilly and hope for the best.

          I have gone with this choice for the last 6 years and it seems to work pretty well. Especially after an old wallet of my spousal unit got washed and dried once.
          "They-Who-Were-Google are no longer alone. Now we are all Google."

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

            This is why it's best to wash spousal units cloths by themselves and not with anything you own and don't want covered in ink, electrical tape, paper scraps, and what the hell is/was this stuff.

            As a side note, any currency I find in my spousal units pants and/or shirt pockets goes into my Defcon Stuff fund so I can buy cool gear and the newest DC(whatever year we're now in) shirt(s) . I say if he can't remember he had the extra money to throw around carelessly then he won't mind me taking full advantage of it when it starts to add up to some big bucks. To date since last Defcon (DC17) I have fished a total of $23 USD and one peso from his pants and/or shirt pockets and that right there is a new shirt from Defcon.
            "It is difficult not to wonder whether that combination of elements which produces a machine for labor does not create also a soul of sorts, a dull resentful metallic will, which can rebel at times". Pearl S. Buck

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

              Originally posted by lil_freak View Post
              ...To date since last Defcon (DC17) I have fished a total of $23 USD and one peso from his pants and/or shirt pockets ...
              Now that begs a question I've been pondering for some time. Where in the hell does all the foreign coin I tend to locate in my clothing come from? I don't know how many others come across this, but lately (the last few months) I've found several Mexican 10¢ pieces, 3 Canadian 10¢, 2 Canadian 25¢, and a Spanish Euro. I know the pesos are coming from an ancient vending machine at a local supermarket, but the rest I just can't explain.
              "You have cubed asscheeks?"... "Do you not?"

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

                Originally posted by sintax_error View Post
                Now that begs a question I've been pondering for some time. Where in the hell does all the foreign coin I tend to locate in my clothing come from? I don't know how many others come across this, but lately (the last few months) I've found several Mexican 10¢ pieces, 3 Canadian 10¢, 2 Canadian 25¢, and a Spanish Euro. I know the pesos are coming from an ancient vending machine at a local supermarket, but the rest I just can't explain.
                Come on, the phrase "passed out down by the docks" explains a lot.

                My state shares a border with Canada. We get Canadian money all the time. So much so, that it's accepted at par in small amounts (>$1). I'd bet that other border states get both Mexican and Canadian coins into US circulation the same way.
                Last edited by Thorn; 03-26-2010, 06:49 PM.
                Thorn
                "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." - Catherine Aird

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

                  Originally posted by Thorn View Post
                  Come on, the phrase "passed out down by the docks" explains a lot.
                  That happens one time and I never hear the end of it...

                  I do live in a border state, however, I'm far North enough to not see a constant flow of Mexican money, though I'm sure quite a bit of it makes it up here. I'm certainly far South enough to rarely see Canadian coinage. And how I ended up with a Euro, I'll never know.
                  "You have cubed asscheeks?"... "Do you not?"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

                    Originally posted by Nikita View Post
                    This leaves me with three options:

                    1.Saying F#%$% It and throw the pants in the wash willy nilly and hope for the best.
                    2.Asking spousal unit to remove his papers, tinder, classified documents, etc from pants fully.
                    3.Making a spectacle of it on the internet, at his expense, because 1 & 2 failed repeatedly.
                    I know this is a fairly radical solution, but if all else fails may I suggest:

                    4. Make spousal unit wash his own pants. (No offense, Neil)

                    I personally would avoid option #1 at all costs. My first instinct when washing a mans clothing is to thoroughly search for electronics. Paper products are incidental.
                    WUVMVEtSUktQRlJOVE9CSENLRUFIUUtR

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

                      Now, if this was me, and there was risk of information about contents of my pockets being exposed on the forums, I would take the opportunity to have a little fun.

                      Examples:

                      * Reminder: new housing development going in... need to move the bodies.

                      * Reminder: ask Nikita why the feds are asking questions about her

                      * Brochure from various extremist groups, especially if polar opposites are included at the same time, or brochure about STD.

                      * Sample collection of random letters suggesting the content is cipher text

                      * New "house key" not attached to key chain that doesn't fit any known locks.

                      * Get co-worker to write on paper the literal text, 'The Person I am Cheating With 1-888-555-1212'

                      * Condom wrapper

                      Of course, the above examples of mischief probably double as examples for why I am still single.

                      Neil: don't follow these suggestions.

                      Nikita: if he follows these suggestions, it wasn't my fault -- it was other kids.
                      tiny font: _. ___ _... ___ _.. _.__ .._ ... . ... __ ___ ._. ... . _._. ___ _.. . ._ _. _.__ __ ___ ._. .

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

                        You, sir, are evil.
                        WUVMVEtSUktQRlJOVE9CSENLRUFIUUtR

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

                          Originally posted by TheCotMan View Post
                          Neil: don't follow these suggestions.

                          Nikita: if he follows these suggestions, it wasn't my fault -- it was other kids.
                          No worries, he came home that very day and told me he was planning on the very same ideas you had. Although I can say you are more comprehensive than what was shared with me, lol. Also to note: He was initially wearing jeans more than usual but that was short lived as he is back to cargo pants again... I love my husband I truly do. I look forward to this weeks episode of what is in Neils pants, and I am thinking of a good prize for those who participate.
                          "Haters, gonna hate"

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

                            The real problem here is that you're dealing with a problem that goes back hundreds of thousands of years. From the early days of picking fleas and bugs out of fur to cleaning the sabretooth tiger loincloth. Women have always had this problem.

                            It's not going away anytime soon, now get back in the kitchen and make Neil a sandwich.












                            <I kid, I kid...>
                            A third party security audit is the IT equivalent of a colonoscopy. It's long, intrusive, very uncomfortable, and when it's done, you'll have seen things you really didn't want to see, and you'll never forget that you've had one.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: What is in Neil's Pants?

                              For this weeks episode of what's in Neils pants I present to you a pack of matches. These glorious matches have a trivia question in them already, so we will use that for one of the trivia questions and you will win THOSE MATCHES.......

                              But WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!!! If you act fast and use your leet skillz and answer correctly the second trivia portion you will get a sketch of MacGruber! Drawn by Neil himself!

                              I'd like to tell you, or show you more interesting things from Neils pants, but either they are an extreme violation of privacy and or my matrimonial right, or they are just plain rubbish.

                              So here we go, for Neils matches the trivia question is this:
                              "What U.S. city is the largest size in area?"


                              For MacGruber, What DEF CON event would I be describing with the following hints?

                              Bruce Schneier failed.
                              Steve Mcqueen shared the title of the location of this event.
                              This event was to hackers as the arena was to gladiators.
                              Women were allowed, despite centuries old traditions forbidding it.

                              I hope you enjoy this weeks trivia. Your answer must be specific so think wisely before you post :-)
                              "Haters, gonna hate"

                              Comment

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