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The death of a friend

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  • The death of a friend

    The Death of a Friend

    Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life, but died in the United States from heart failure early in the new millennium. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, and factories, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.

    For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no
    power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.

    Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second. A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.

    In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

    It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion. Common Sense lost his will to live as churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports.

    When an individual, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel. As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs, stepladders and auto emissions. Common Sense finally succumbed when, while the United States
    was fighting a war on terrorism, a federal judge declared the Pledge of Allegiance to be unconstitutional.

    Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepsiblings: My Rights, and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral as so few realized he was gone.

    Joe Hartley
    Adversity doesn't build character. It reveals it.

    If only there were more time

  • #2
    So true!!!!


    • #3
      Cue Elton John / Funeral for a Friend?
      45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B0
      45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B1
      [ redacted ]


      • #4
        *Begins clapping slowly and waits for others to join in*

        EDIT: *Continues clapping progressively louder and faster, still waiting for others to join in*
        Last edited by something/other; February 20, 2004, 20:14.


        • #5
          Common sense

          Originally posted by something/other
          *Begins clapping slowly and waits for others to join in*
          My daddy always said, "All the book learning in the world ain't worth a cup of cold piss if you don't have common sense to back it up."

          :D :D :D
          I enjoy talking to's usually the only intelligent conversations I get to have.