No idea if this is legit or not, but it sure is a laugher...
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers,
USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors
have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After
your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during
the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of
the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was
hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees,
who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and
paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never
understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it
to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as
telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality
than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have
responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their
talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of
managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else
eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert
principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you
getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced
to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt
me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you
over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you
would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I
know every password you have used for the last five years. If you
decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I
conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do
believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the
administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them
like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never
seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have
been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing
letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate
having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of
your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never
f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with
all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day
Cecelia
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers,
USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors
have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After
your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during
the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of
the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was
hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees,
who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and
paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never
understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it
to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as
telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality
than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have
responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their
talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of
managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else
eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert
principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you
getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced
to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt
me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you
over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you
would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I
know every password you have used for the last five years. If you
decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I
conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do
believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the
administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them
like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never
seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have
been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing
letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate
having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of
your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never
f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with
all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day
Cecelia
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