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Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

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  • Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

    There was one day when I worked graveyard shift at a Kinko's where there were 5 PCs and 1 typewriter. One sorority girl came in and asked to use the typewriter. She walked about the little area with the tech in it for about 5 minutes before asking me which one the typewriter was.

    That was when I decided I never wanted to work tech support.

    So a few years later as the world goes, I found myself working tier1 tech support where a person with a completely virally destroyed computer told me:

    "I only use my computer for surfing the internet and checking email. Why would I ever have to worry about viruses?"
    ======================================
    DJ Jackalope
    dopest dj in the galaxy. *mwah!*

    send in the drop bears!
    ======================================

  • #2
    Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

    We called Allen Bradley Tech support to find out why we couldn't talk to one of our PLC's while connected directly to it via the Ethernet port. The drone on the other end asked a couple of basic questions and then asked if we had a firewall on our network. We said yes, but it's across a T1 on a completely different segment. He flatly told us that Allen Bradley PLC's do not like firewalls on the network and that must be our problem. No matter how hard we tried to tell him that it couldn't possibly be the problem, since the PLC was connected directly to the laptop via a crossover cable and wasn't even connected to the LAN he wouldn't listen.

    We ended up hanging up and calling back for someone else who then told us we had a bad PLC since the lights were flashing in a certain pattern.
    A third party security audit is the IT equivalent of a colonoscopy. It's long, intrusive, very uncomfortable, and when it's done, you'll have seen things you really didn't want to see, and you'll never forget that you've had one.

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    • #3
      Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

      I wonder if tech support folks have those little response booklets. I spent <1 week doing fund raising for an organization and we had little color-coded books to respond to just about anything the person would say.
      "\x74\x68\x65\x70\x72\x65\x7a\x39\x38";

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      • #4
        Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

        It's worth mentioning the great internet archive called Computer Stupidities if anyone here hasn't already seen that before.

        It's been around for ages (i can recall first seeing it maybe around 1997 or 1998) but you never know what may not hit people's radar from time to time. If you're keen on wasting a couple hours at work, by all means check it out.
        "I'll admit I had an OiNK account and frequented it quite often… What made OiNK a great place was that it was like the world's greatest record store… iTunes kind of feels like Sam Goody to me. I don't feel cool when I go there. I'm tired of seeing John Mayer's face pop up. I feel like I'm being hustled when I visit there, and I don't think their product is that great. DRM, low bit rate, etc... OiNK it existed because it filled a void of what people want."
        - Trent Reznor

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        • #5
          Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

          Though not a Sprint customer I've had to deal with their tech support/customer service from time to time and it has got to be the worst on the planet. The web has entire web forums dedicated to Sprint horror stories. There are people there who don't speak a lick of English that use cue cards to respond to questions. I called up there once and just started talking non-sense and the person on the other end kept going right down the cue list totally unaware of what I was saying. Needless to say I was transfered to call center land.

          Did you hear that India was going to change the name of their country to call center land. Nah just kidding :-).

          xor
          Just because you can doesn't mean you should. This applies to making babies, hacking, and youtube videos.

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          • #6
            Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

            One of my customers just recently asked my assistance for a gui file copy in Winders. When she explained what she wanted, I was thinking that theres gotta be more to her question, she couldn't possibly be talking about a drag and drop operation... well yes, she was.

            Not meaning to slay her, shes a wonderfully kind person. It was just one of those requests that gives me a headache even thinking about it. It's billable time, but lord it does a number on a person's perspective of self worth in the morning heh.
            If a chicken and a half, can lay an egg and a half, in a day and a half... how long would it take a monkey, with a wooden leg, to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

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            • #7
              Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

              One office had incoming files put on a file server under the foldername of the recipient. You can have C:/james and C:/fred and so on. Well they hired a temporary extra help person from an agency and she put all the stuff she worked with under her folder. Come next Monday it was all gone. I asked her the foldername she used. She used c:/temp.

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              • #8
                Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

                The most humorous tech support I've ever seen!
                Last edited by Greyhatter; April 30, 2008, 12:41.

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                • #9
                  Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

                  Hey, that's my uncle, Asneez Achoo.
                  A third party security audit is the IT equivalent of a colonoscopy. It's long, intrusive, very uncomfortable, and when it's done, you'll have seen things you really didn't want to see, and you'll never forget that you've had one.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

                    My worst one from the retail days was having to convince that his warranty did not cover his kid feeding the cd-rom a bowl of oatmeal.. I thought the guy was kidding me about wanting us to replace it until he got pissed off for me laughing in his face..
                    Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

                      I once had to deal with a woman who thought that her warranty should cover her having literally thrown a laptop across the room in anger.
                      One Nation Under Surveillance
                      "War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength."

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                      • #12
                        Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

                        That story reminds me of something that happened when I worked at Geek Squad a few months ago.

                        Random jackass kid (like 20's) and his gf came to get his laptop that was minorly physcially broken fixed. He assured me that someone in Utah had told him that Geek Squad would replace his whole laptop the day before his warranty ran out and told jackass kid that he should destroy his laptop so he could get a new one. I told him we'd have to send it away to get the minor physical stuff fixed. He explained the Utah best buy story.

                        "What if my laptop has an accident on purpose? Then you'd have to replace it, right?"

                        "no, not at all."

                        "I'll be right back." He comes back about 10 min later, his laptop looks like it had just been run over.

                        He comes up to me, the screen is shattered and some pieces had come off it. I just start laughing at the guy, I couldn't help it. Then I had to explain to him that he had a warranty for accidental damage, that he blew his cover by telling me that he was going to do that on purpose, and that he just ran his computer over for nothing and that he should probably just go away. (After he left, we proptlly called all the other stores within a 60 mile radius to warn them about jackass boy.)

                        Maybe if he was nice to me, and not such a know it all dick to me, he might have had better service....
                        ======================================
                        DJ Jackalope
                        dopest dj in the galaxy. *mwah!*

                        send in the drop bears!
                        ======================================

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Hilarious Tech Support quotes anyone?

                          Originally posted by DJ Jackalope View Post
                          Maybe if he was nice to me, and not such a know it all dick to me, he might have had better service....
                          Why is it some people just do not get the message that it is not wize to piss off someone you are asking to help you? To quote Homer "Duh!"
                          DaKahuna
                          ___________________
                          Will Hack for Bandwidth

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