Sniffing your kids' IMs?

[begformore]

Saw this in another forum and thought it was a unique form of parental control.. what do you think?

I know that this borders on "invasion of privacy" but how bad (immoral perhaps?) is is to monitor the network traffic and read through your kids instant messenger and chat sessions? I've only done it a couple of times and felt kind of bad doing it. I think that I would only continue doing it if I suspected something strange going on. I put this into a similar category as listening to their phone conversations (which I have never done). Any thoughts on this subject?

[/<3.]

hmm I am only 17 so no kids here lol = )
But when i have any i wouldn't want to Moniter them, Its not right
Mabye to a certain extent like Porn, But logging and reading there conversatons on IM or something isnt right = ( Same goes with Phones, My parents always trusted me and gave me privacy, I dont like those parents that are control freaks

[octalpus]

From a child's perspective, it's always an invasion of privacy. From someone who is no longer battling teen hormones, I know that most of what I did during my teen years went well beyong the boundaries established by my parents. It is the parents' responsibility to monitor and protect their child, until that child has learned enough to fend for himself. If they don't trust their child, then it is their duty to find out what that child is doing. If, in fact, he is really doing nothing wrong, then he is going to earn a little bit of trust. Trust is earned, not assumed. Parents only have a limited amount of time to train up their children before they are released to the worlds' predators... it is their job to protect their children during this time, and help instill in them a value system. Of course, the hardest time is the time just before freedom is granted... when the child is almost an adult, but is not quite ready to be out on his own. Battles are often fought over the amount of freedom and trust that should be granted during this time. While no parent knows exactly what to do, all of them rely on their own experiences, which are much more vast than thier offsprings', and all of them have the deep knowledge that one day, their child will come to the same realisation that they did, that mom and dad really were trying to do what was best for them.

[Chris]

Originally posted by octalpussy
From a child's perspective, it's always an invasion of privacy. From someone who is no longer battling teen hormones, I know that most of what I did during my teen years went well beyong the boundaries established by my parents. It is the parents' responsibility to monitor and protect their child, until that child has learned enough to fend for himself. If they don't trust their child, then it is their duty to find out what that child is doing. If, in fact, he is really doing nothing wrong, then he is going to earn a little bit of trust. Trust is earned, not assumed. Parents only have a limited amount of time to train up their children before they are released to the worlds' predators... it is their job to protect their children during this time, and help instill in them a value system. Of course, the hardest time is the time just before freedom is granted... when the child is almost an adult, but is not quite ready to be out on his own. Battles are often fought over the amount of freedom and trust that should be granted during this time. While no parent knows exactly what to do, all of them rely on their own experiences, which are much more vast than thier offsprings', and all of them have the deep knowledge that one day, their child will come to the same realisation that they did, that mom and dad really were trying to do what was best for them.

Hmm...been a while since this happened...but I agree with OP. Had to happen eventually...even a blind squirrel finds the occasional nut.

[KeLviN]

are you talking about me?

i hated it when my parents did shit like that, but i knew even then that it was well withen their rights as parents so i don't see too much of a problem with it....

[jetforce4004]

thats so WRONG! A kid has to learn by trial and error or when they are released into the adult world they will not know right or wrong. If a child is protected and monitered than a child will never learn anything of the adult world wich is MUCH more dangerous.

[octalpus]

Originally posted by jetforce4004
thats so WRONG! A kid has to learn by trial and error or when they are released into the adult world they will not know right or wrong. If a child is protected and monitered than a child will never learn anything of the adult world wich is MUCH more dangerous.

You sound like a teenager throwing a tantrum. "But moooommmm, that's not FAIR! Why can't you just let me make my own mistakes?!"

A child is still going to push the boundaries, is still going to find ways to fuck up, and is still going to learn important life lessons. It is the parents' responsibility to ensure that they live to learn from their mistakes. The world IS a dangerous place, and kids grow up way too fast. As long as parents can guide and protect their children, it is their responsibility to do so. With a little luck, they will instill a sense of morality in that child before sending him off to the wolves.

Like it or not, your parents really DO know more than you, because they have made those mistakes that they are trying to keep you from making. Even if you don't make those particular mistakes, you're still going to make mistakes of your own, and later in life, you're going to try your damndest to keep your own child from repeating those.

[Kai]

You sound like a teenager throwing a tantrum. "But moooommmm, that's not FAIR! Why can't you just let me make my own mistakes?!"

Come on Octal, we all know that nothing can happen on the net.

It's not like there are any sick whacko's preying on children in this world!

At least not when BW is sleepin'! ;)

Kai

[blackwave]

ain't no freeloaders gonna cost me a dime and have me do time-

here is what I have to say about monitoring/sniffing/controlling any situation that occurs under the same domicile by a dependent:

If you don't like it, get the fuck out of my house, bitch!

Privacy from strangers is one thing, but if little wilma or little billy go to meet dr jones at the airport, I am surely going to know about it... or if little billy is planning a DDoS with his little buddies, it sure isn't going to be linked to my networks... oh hell no.

ain't no freeloaders gonna cost me a dime and have me do time - and you can take that to the bank!

[astcell]

Monitor your kids 100%, you HAVE to. You don't have to let them know you are though. Yes they will trip and stumble in life, that's normal, and you LET them. You are there for when they fall, or crash and burn, but not when they get a runny nose, if you come to the rescue at that time then you are starting a pattern you will soon regret. If you monitor their IMs that's fine IMHO, it is you house, your PC, your kid, your responsibility, etc.

OOH! OOH! It's snowing! Gotta go out and warflake!

[/<3.]

I agree, my mom and dad saved me ass many times and i thank them for watching me.
Ya its true that parents know more then, I am 17 know and i finally relized that, That they were always there more my BEST Intrests

[jetforce4004]

Hey Bush created a new domain for kids. It suposedly lets the parents only let the computers goto approved sites for children 13 and under. To read more http://www.cnn.com/2002/ALLPOLITICS/....ap/index.html

the cnn article said:

The international body that governs domain names refused to create a suffix -- like ".com" and ".org" -- for child-appropriate content. So the new ".kids.us" domain will be overseen by the federal government. Participation will be voluntary in an attempt to avoid charges of censorship.

Parents will be able to restrict their child's computer so it could only visit "dot-kids" addresses. An independent board will set criteria, with the new domain containing only material appropriate for children under 13.

[astcell]

So if you have a .kids filtyer then the pr0n sites can use .kids.porn and what's to filter that?

On maybe you can say only go to .kids.us sites, oh yeah that'll work, only go to government approved sites, *sigh*.

[TwinVega]

I have mixed feelings about the monitoring issues. I myself being a teen would hate it if I were monitored, but typical of most people it's okay to monitor usage as long as it's not you. I think that monitoring the usage is good to prevent 42 year old bald guys from swooping up your kid, but at the same time, your kid has some rights to privacy that you should respect. So now that I've said all that, I have no conclusion. It's your choice.

[simple3]

It is a parents ressponsibility to make sure that there kids aren't fucking up. You got kids building bombs in there basement and kids planning to take out halk the school with daddy's shotgun, and you got people asking what the parents were doing when there kids had a webpage that said they were going to do it. That may be the final straw, but if parents knew that their kid was fucked up from a long time ago then things would have never gotten to that point.
As a minor you don't have rights, your parents are responsible for you, and what you do. They need to know some things to make sure you're not being a dumbass, but should be careful not to pry too much.

-simple3