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twentythree, by bubblegirl (@defconbubs)
----Thursday Night----
There is nobody pretty at DEF CON.
It was my third DEF CON. Two of my fellow DEF CON members from my local group and I had managed to work our way into a so called ìexclusiveî party. The party was in the top floor penthouse of some typical Vegas hotel, it doesnít matter which one. It had a swimming pool on the balcony and free food and booze. What more could a girl want?
The biggest disappointment to me was that most of the girls at the party were of your typical Rent-A-Girl variety. There I was in the same T-shirt Iíd been wearing all day at the con. Iíd debated changing before heading out, but in typical con fashion, Iíd been distracted by four or five different people and events on my way back to my room. By the time I arrived back to drop off my stuff, I was already five minutes late meeting the guys downstairs.
To be honest, I didnít care if I got changed into something pretty for the party. This was the one time of year I was with people for days at a time who didnít care that I was kind of a nerd. I could wear my obscure shirt with the lockpick joke on it, and nobody would think less of me. Nobody would look at my shirt with that blank stare of misunderstanding. Instead, Iíd get a couple of grins and nods of respect.
I had worked hard to get into this party. The crypto that you had to solve in order to get in came out a few days before the con, and Iíd worked hard to solve it. It was quite the enigma. If weíre being honest, I wanted to get to the answer - which ultimately told you the location of the party, and the password theyíd ask for at the door - before the guys had a chance to solve it. And I had.
But the other girls at the party were far too pretty to have solved the crypto on their own. Makeup so thick on some of them you couldnít even see their real face. Unfathomable hours spent covering up what was probably a perfectly okay face, but who could say? I scoffed. Short skirts, tight tops, unreasonably loud laughter every time anybody made a reference to something they didnít understand, which with this crowd occurred oh so frequently.
All I could do was grab another free drink and brood in the corner. My comrades were off chatting up somebody far more expensive than they realized. Not wanting to participate, but also not wanting to drag them down with me, I fixed myself a small plate of free food and found a stool to attach myself to until they were finished. I didnít feel safe walking back to our hotel alone, nor could I remember offhand how we had gotten here, else I would have been out the door and off to a different con event. If I wanted to party with girls like this, I would not have come to a DEF CON exclusive party. I wanted to be with my people, not with Ö this.
Then things went from bad to worse. Not right away, of course. At first, I thought he was sweet. I will refer to him as Jay for the time being, because thatís how he introduced himself to me at the time.
He was nice at first. ìBuy you a drink?î he asked.
ìDrinks are free,î I pointed out, looking over his shoulder to try to find the guys. They were nowhere to be seen. Neither was their new girlfriend. I hoped they hadnít left the party altogether, leaving me stranded here.
ìWaiting for someone?î
ìJust checking in,î I replied. I waved at nobody in particular and smiled, so that he knew I wouldnít be taken advantage of. Sure, he was part of the DEF CON crowd, but a girl can never be too careful. Jay glanced over his shoulder, saw that nobody waved back, and looked at me with one eyebrow raised. I tried not to blush, knowing I was caught in my ruse but not wanting to let on. I did the first thing I could think of - Slid off my chair and said, ìLetís go get that drink.î
He insisted on ordering for me at the bar, though it wasnít anything fancy. The booze might have been free, but it wasnít that great of a deal when it was cheap booze to begin with. None of the good stuff. The drink hinted at stale vodka and left an intense burn all down my throat.
We chatted a little. He invited me to dance. I wasnít much of a dancer, preferring to save myself the embarrassment, but at this point Iíd had a few, and I agreed. Dark technomancer style music filled the penthouse, a DJ mixing it up live. A giant bear head was being passed around the crowd. Because I was feeling good, I put that Pedobear head right on and had myself a few minutes of dancing as the bear before my head got too hot, and I passed it on to the next potential taker.
At least if we were dancing, I wouldnít have to try to continue the awkward conversation weíd been having. I suppose he was good looking, for the con crowd, but his conversational skills left something to be desired. It was apparent that he was not accustomed to spending time with women for any extended period of time. I made him nervous, and dancing was a good break for both of us.
So we danced until we got tired, or more accurately, until Jay got sweaty. It dripped down his forehead, into his eyes, and by the looks of his shirt, down his back and sides. Nobody had ever taught Jay how to dance, and as a result he spent a lot of time flailing his arms around in no conceivable pattern, thus tiring himself out much quicker than he would have if he would just dance like a normal person. This was a great benefit to me, as it took the attention off of my lack of skill and placed in onto somebody even worse.
ìHave you seen the rest of this place?î Jay asked.
ìJust the kitchen and the pool,î I replied.
ìYouíve got to take the grand tour.î
ìI donít know Öî It sounded like a bad idea.
ìCome on, girl. When else are you going to have the chance to tour the penthouse?î
ìI suppose,î I agreed.
And so we took the grand tour. A small room with a treadmill. A guy in a full business suit was running full tilt on the treadmill, for the amusement of a couple standing nearby, cheering him on. Upstairs, the master bedroom. Glass windows overlooking the lights of the city. Six people taking a ride on a bed that rotated all on its own. A couple of guys hunched over the motor, trying to rig it up to get more speed out of it. I hopped on, Jay taking a seat next to me. We watched the cityscape pass in front of us, enjoying the ride until a guy came in with three Rent-A-Girls wanting to hop on. Time to make our exit.
There were three additional rooms upstairs. One was occupied. I pulled the door shut quickly, eyes wide. ìI think that was my friend,î I hissed. Jay laughed, as if I had made a joke. But I was pretty certain it was him, and I didnít want to see any more than I already had.
The third room was a bathroom with a large jacuzzi tub. Jay suggested we test it out, but I didnít want to be in there when somebody decided they needed to come in and take a leak.
The final upstairs room held a large screen TV and a smattering of overstuffed couches and chairs. A few people sat around, watching Ghost in the Shell. Classic. A couple got up to leave, and we took their place on a large brown couch. We settled in, the movie just barely loud enough over the music pounding downstairs. It was nearly three in the morning, and it felt good to finally sit down. The party was still going strong around us, but before long the movie came to a close, and the room we were sitting in began to clear out. The person handling the remote switched over to some show that you can only see on cable. I donít get cable at home, because I can find Game of Thrones through my private tracker and seedbox. Iím not paying for HBO or anyone else, so I didnít recognize what we were watching.
At some point, I donít really remember when, Jay put his arm around me. I was tired and just a little bit buzzed from the free drinks, so I went with it. He seemed like a nice guy. He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and I let him. It was weird for me, because I wouldnít normally allow that the first time I met a guy, but hey, itís Vegas. I was just about to pull away from him when he leaned over to whisper in my ear.
ìHow much?î he asked.
I leaned away from him. ìExcuse me?î
ìCome on, baby. Donít play games with me. How much?î he repeated, putting his hand on my leg as if I were a cheap rental.
I stood up, appalled. ìGet your filthy hands off me.î I stood there just long enough to shake my head in disgust, then turned to storm down the stairs.
ìWait!î Jay called after me. He followed me out of the room, shouting after me. ìStop!î
I whipped around, halfway down the steps. ìNo. I will not.î Jay tried to make his way down the steps, but a couple of guys who just so happened to be standing near the top of the stairs moved in his path, crossing their arms.
ìThis isnít fair! I spent a lot of time with you tonight. If I knew you were going to rip me off, I would have put my attention elsewhere!î Jay shouted as I continued down the steps. People were starting to stare. Jay broke his way through the guys at the top of the steps and chased after me, grabbing my arm.
I turned around to face him, my face hot and red with anger. ìLet Ö go Ö of Ö my Ö arm.î We had now attracted every eye in the room
ìNow,î I added.
Jay, inspired by the number of people watching, let go of my arm. ìThis isnít over,î he said.
ìHey, buddy, leave her be,î a guy stepped in. It wasnít Badrequest or Shadowcopy, my friends from my local group. They must have left.
Jay shoved the guy. The music came to a halt. ìYouíre not part of this,î Jay spat. He took a step towards me and looked as if he were about to speak. Not in the least bit interested in what he had to say, I punched him between the eyes before he could speak. A cheer spread through the room. I moved to leave the party while Jay was still hunched over, clutching his bleeding nose.
The music started up again as I walked away. Badrequest and Shadowcopy did not follow me out of the room. They must have left without me earlier in the night. Ditching me in Vegas. They wouldnít live that one down for a while.
ìJudging by the way you broke that guyís nose, I assume you donít need anyone to walk you home,î a guyís voice said behind me.
ìI broke his nose? Cool.î
ìOne can only hope,î the guy said. He had a deep voice, and as he stepped out of the shadows cast by the Vegas nightlife, I realized he was wearing an oversized top hat, with a steampunk eyeglass attached to the right side. I could barely see his face. When I tried to get a better look, he turned his head towards the ground. I got the impression it was intentional, but said nothing. He seemed nice enough, and I was glad to have someone to walk with.
We started off towards the hotel, making a little bit of small talk but mostly letting a slightly awkward silence linger between us. I assured my new friend and his fancy hat that Iíd be fine getting up to my room alone, and thanked him for the walk. I arrived back at my room, took a good long shower, and settled in for a few solid hours of sleep.
----Friday----
I woke up face down on the bed, a puddle of drool soaking my pillow. I groaned and rolled over. Itís too early, I think. But I can sleep on the plane on the way home. For now, Iíve got to get back. I had to get over to the villages. A guy I met yesterday told me heíd help me solder a couple extras onto my badge. Not to mention I had an entire dayís worth of talks picked out to miss. No worries; Iíd catch them on the CD later.
By the time I arrived, the hardware hacking village is already full. Only one soldering iron remained free. I took a seat, nodding to the guy who said heíd help me, hoping he remembers me from the day before. It seems he does, but heís busy helping others. I take a seat and get my pieces out, knowing heíll come over as soon as he can.
And then the guy across from me lifts his head, and itís Jay. White gauze covers his nose. His eyes are dark, matching the sea of dark shirts behind him. His nose veers just a little bit to the left, swollen and ugly.
He looks surprised to see me.
I begin to gather my things. I mutter something that even I donít comprehend when NAME, my soldering hookup, comes over to assist. ìNot leaving already, are you?î he asks. ìWe havenít even started.î
I look at Jay, and we remain frozen in place for a few moments. NAME follows my gaze. ìOuch. Somebody got in a real good hit. Looks fresh.î
ìYeah. It was me,î I said. ìLast night.î
NAME looked back and forth between us, until Jay broke the awkward silence by getting up in a huff. He tried to scowl at me on his way out, but the bandage and the bruising made it nearly unrecognizable. He didnít even bother trying to pack everything back in his bag neatly. It didnít matter. Everything got pushed into his bag with one big sweep. A few components fell to the floor. They must not have been too important, because Jay decided to sacrifice them to the the soldering station floor. He took off, and within a minute somebody took over his chair.
ìSnuck up behind me when I didnít expect it,î I mumbled. ìGuy walks like a ninja. I donít even know him.î
NAME nodded, knowing I wasnít being completely honest but not caring what the truth of the situation was. Sometimes you just donít ask.
I spent a couple hours soldering, then moved over to the contest area to see what contests were winding up. I browsed for a little bit when who should appear but Shadowcopy and Badrequest.
ìThanks, guys, for spending all that time with me last night,î I said.
ìYou seemed to be doing all right for yourself,î Badrequest said.
ìRight.î I bumped into somebody from behind, or maybe he bumped into me. I turned around to apologize and came face to face with Jay. He gave me a foreboding look and continued on his way.
ìWasnít that the guy you were with last night?î Shadowcopy asked.
ìYeah, right before you ditched me,î I replied.
ìSorry,î Badrequest said, and started to make up some lame excuse about who contacted them and where they needed to be, and how suddenly they were partying with a bunch of goons and life was good. Finally he had the sense to come back to the question Iíd been dreading: ìWhat happened to that guy anyway? He looks pretty beat up.î
ìPedobear,î I replied. ìI was dancing with the bear head on, and didnít realize just how big it was. Caught him in the eye.î
ìIt looked like his nose was broken.î
ìCaught him in the eye and the nose. Listen, I gotta go.î
ìWait. Want to meet up for lunch?î
ìIíll find you,î I called over my shoulder. ìIíve got to catch a talk. Starts in five.î
And I would have. I really would have made it to the talk, only I got caught up in conversation with a couple of guys Iíd never met before about the crypto on the floor, part of l0stís badge puzzle that year. We were giving each other tips, going back and forth on what we knew about the clues, keeping our voices low so that we wouldnít share our trade secrets with too many people.
I gleaned more from them than they did from me, but I was able to give them a hint or two that they hadnít thought through before. They were pretty hard core, writing all of their notes in a shabby looking lined notebook, and retreating to the depths of someplace I didnít even want to know about as soon as they had gotten all the information they believed they were going to get out of me. There was a room, back in a dark corner, behind the room where the blood drive was going on, that seemed to host a certain breed of black badge enthusiasts. Kids who havenít slept in 32 hours, trying for that mystical black badge offering entry to all DEF CONs for the rest of time, so they could take their sacred black badge home and caress it and call it ìmy preciousî.
ìWhat happened to that guyís face?î the girl next to me whispered to her friend.
I looked up to see Jay. ìHe couldnít handle the kickback from a gun at the shoot. I tried to warn him to leave the big guns to the real men,î I said to them before walking right up to Jay.
ìStop following me.î
He grunted. ìHavenít you done enough?î
ìIím serious.î
ìStop telling lies about me.î
ìYou deserved that punch,î I said, a little bit too loud. People were starting to avoid us in the hallway. Not wanting to cause another scene, I took off. I glanced back to make sure Jay was not following.
All day, everywhere I went, Jay was there. The vendor area. The restaurant we went to for dinner. Yes, I met up with Shadowcopy and Badrequest. We skipped lunch. No time. We were too busy missing all the talks we had every intention of going to. Lunch for me was half a granola bar Iíd shoved into my bag earlier that day. After spending the day adding bits and pieces to the bag, the granola bar had worked its way to the bottom, and most of it was flattened. It tasted like hay and smelled like the sweat of thousands of hackers. I ate the non-flattened side and threw the rest away.
We tried four different parties that night - two on site at the con, and two off site. Jay was at three of them. Each encounter was more uncomfortable than the one before. Jay actually started brooding like a teenage boy a little bit more each time he saw me. People began to ask what Iíd done to the poor guy that made him so upset to see me. Each time I came up with a new story. We shared a cab and got in a minor traffic accident. I opened the door too fast and it hit him in the face. We were playing ball, and I canít throw to save my life - which is true, by the way.
ìWhoís the guy in the jacket and the hat thatís been following him around all day?î Shadow asked at dinner.
ìI hadnít noticed,î I admitted. ìIíve been trying so hard to avoid him all day, I wasnít paying attention to anyone else.î
ìMaybe itís time you do,î Shadow said. ìHe looks a little shady.î
Every time I saw Jay for the rest of the day, I noticed the man in the hat, not so far behind. How I missed him before was a miracle, his too-tall top hat with the steampunk eyeglass attached to the right side. None other than the man in the hat that had walked me home the night before. What business did he have with Jay?
When we left the third party, I made sure to hunt Jay down and tell him exactly where we were going. I made sure he was clear on the fact that I was sharing this information with him specifically so that he would NOT show up. To my great surprise, it worked. Neither Jay nor the man in the hat showed up, and I was finally able to enjoy my night.
----Saturday----
To my great disappointment, I awoke Saturday morning to find Jay passed out drunk in my hotel room. I was certain he had not been there when I went to bed. I wondered how heíd gotten in. He just sat there, slumped over on a pimped out rascal, a big floppy hat with a sunflower propped up on his head. His arms lay limp at his sides, a bottle of beer still half full in his right hand. Giant movie star sunglasses covered his two black eyes and part of the white tape that covered his broken nose.
ìYouíve got to be kidding me.î I pulled a sweater on over my pajama top, not wanting Jay to see me in my pajamas. ìUp,î I said. Jay didnít respond. I put my hands on his shoulders and gave him a good shake. The beer sloshed over the side of the bottle, onto the carpet. Some sloshed onto his hand. He did not wake up.
I slapped him across the face. It felt pretty good, until I realized that he was dead. Jayís body was thrown off balance, and he fell - hard - off the rascal. The beer began oozing out of the bottle. The sunglasses slid partway off his face.
So, to recap, I had just slapped the dead body of the guy whose nose I had broken during a very public, music-stopping fight, and his remains were now laying on the floor of my hotel room. It dawned on me that I had spent the previous day telling lies about that broken nose, often denying that I knew Jay at all.
This did not look good for me.
I knew I hadnít killed him, but the police were not likely to believe me, and the last thing I wanted to be responsible for was the Vegas police crawling all over DEF CON. That sounded like a great way to be the least popular person at the con, and I did not want to get on the bad side of the guys who were fanatics about their anonymity.
I did the only thing I could think of to do in the moment. I searched the body.
The first peculiar thing I found was that Jay had two badges on his person. One vendor badge, indicating that he was here in the capacity of a sales person, and one black badge. I had never held an actual black badge before, so I didnít know what they looked like. This one appeared to be authentic. Why would he have two badges on him? Had he stolen the black badge from somebody? Did he get the vendor get a free badge, and thatís why he had two? I would have to find out.
Jay also had a small burner phone. The power was off, and I decided against attempting to turn it on in the hotel room, just to be safe.
Another peculiar thing I found was the lack of any sort of identification on this guy. No driverís license, no credit cards. Not even a handful of change. Other than the badges and the burner phone, this guy had nothing on him. This left me very little to go on. It didnít strike me as a robbery, and even if it had been, the odds that his body would end up in my room while I slept was near impossible.
The pimped out rascal was obviously important, because of the pimp my rascal competition at the con. How long did they have to pimp out their rascal? Surely the competition couldnít be over already by Saturday morning. Somebody would be looking for the rascal. I would need to get it out of the room before they started looking too hard for it. Maybe I could Weekend at Bernieís Jayís body right out of my room on that rascal and dump the rascal somewhere far away from the body before somebody felt the need to look in my room for it.
I dragged Jayís body back up onto the rascal, getting him all settled in. I propped the giant floppy sunflower hat back on his head and made sure the sunglasses appropriately covered his two black eyes. I pried the beer out of his hand and set the now sticky bottle in the sink. ìThere we go. All set,î I said as I repositioned him just a little bit to the left. A sure sign that it was time to get moving, before I did something really crazy.
The most awkward part was trying to position myself on the rascal without knocking Jay off, all the while touching the dead body for the absolute minimal amount of time possible. I shuddered at the thought.
I took that rascal out of the room, down the hall to the elevator, and down into the guest laundry room. I propped Jayís body up, big floppy hat and all, with a book teetering precariously in his hands.
I rode the rascal down the hall towards the conference, debating whether I should leave it outside or ride it in and wait for someone to talk to me about it. I opted to leave it in the hall, just out of sight of the goons at the front entrance. If whoever recognized it knew Jay had been with it, they might link me back to him and ask where heíd been, and Iíd already exhausted all my good excuses for the broken nose.
I meandered into the conference, attempting nonchalance. My next step was to find out who this guy was, and why he was murdered. No problem. I was only at a conference known for anonymity, that asks no real names, where everyone went by their pseudonyms and handles.
This was going to be tough.
I went first to the vendor area. I had powered through here yesterday, but I couldnít recall having seen Jay. Looking back, it was the only place I hadnít run into him the entire day. So I did the only thing I could think of to do. I picked a corner of the room and began going booth to booth, asking for the guy whose nose I had broken. I wanted to apologize, I told them, for the damage I had done. Which, of course, was a lie. Jay deserved that punch. But it couldnít hurt to throw it out there to the public that I was looking for him, and wanted to apologize.
Finally I found someone that knew him. ìHe never showed up this morning,î the guy working the booth complained. ìHe spent most of yesterday walking around too. Thatís the problem with volunteers. Sometimes they want to get paid, but they donít want to do the work.î
ìHe fill out any info for this gig?î
ìThis con? We pay cash. Donít ask names. There isnít any credible info recorded.î
ìWhat did he have you call him?î
ìBrenton.î
ìDo you know what he was interested in at the con?î
ìSeemed like he spent a lot of time in the villages. Said he was on to something big. Was on his laptop half the time, even when he was at the booth.î
ìThanks.î
ìWant to buy a T-shirt?î
I glanced at his stock. The only ladies cut shirts were pink. ìMaybe later,î I lied. Pink disgusts me. ìThanks for the info. Iíll send him back over here if I find him.î
On my way over to the contest area, I noticed someone riding the pimped out rascal down the hall. I followed it, making my way through the overcrowded halls as quickly as I could. I caught up to the girl driving it when she finally stopped.
ìNice ride,î I said.
ìThanks.î
ìYou do that all yourself?î
ìGroup effort.î She looked at the time, uninterested in me or what I had to say.
ìWaiting for someone?î
ìYep.î
ìGuy with a broken nose?î
She looked me in the eye for the first time. ìHowíd you know?î
ìI broke it. Wanted to apologize.î
ìYeah, well, heís late.î
ìDo you know his name? Where I can find him?î
ìHe goes by Jacked1n. If I knew where to find him, Iíd be with him right now. Just leaves our rascal sitting in the middle of the hall where anyone can take it,î she muttered.
ìMaybe he had to go to the bathroom.î
ìDoubt it.î
ìThanks for your help.î
She checked the time again and looked around, annoyed. Not really a people person, that one.
By chance, I wandered past a cabinet displaying counterfeit badge winners. I managed to find my way to someone who would know. I asked about the black badge I had found in Jayís pocket. ìItís counterfeit, all right,î the contest organizer assured me after studying it for a moment. ìItís just a really good counterfeit. And I know who made it.î
ìReally? Because Iím looking for him.î
The contest organizer was still holding the counterfeit badge. ìI can take you to him.î
My heart began to beat a little faster. ìThat would be great,î I said. ìThank you.î
I followed the contest organizer down the hall, past the room where they took blood donations, past the room with the black badge enthusiasts, and through a door I hadnít even noticed before. We entered a small room I never would have found on my own. The contest organizer opened the door for me and handed me the counterfeit black badge. ìReturn this to him for me, would you?î
ìOf course,î I said, my voice squeaking out of my throat so badly that I almost didnít recognize it.
The lights were so low it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. I jumped a little when I saw the man in the hat.
ìSit,î he said.
I took a seat across from him. I still could not see his face. He had his arms crossed over his chest, his feet propped up on top of the table. He moved his feet one by one, his steel toed boots clomp, clomping, down to the floor. He leaned forward. ìIíve been waiting for you,î he said.
ìI never got your name.î
ìMy handle is twentythree. I believe you have my badge?î
I handed it over to him. He turned it over a couple times, then stuck it in his bag. ìYou wish to know of our friend with the broken nose.î
ìWho is he?î
The left corner of his mouth curled up into a smile. ìWhatís it worth to you?î
ìWhat do you want?î
ìInformation.î
I leaned forward. ìI donít know if youíve noticed, but you seem to be more the kind of guy to have access to information than I am.î
Twentythree leaned forward. ìI know that heís dead.î
ìSee that? You clearly know more than I do. Because last I saw him Ö î I trailed off, knowing the shock on my face had already betrayed me. No sense prolonging the lie. ìWhat is it that you need to know?î
ìOur friend with the broken nose has been around for a long time, Marie.î The use of my real name made my heart beat a little bit faster. ìHe is a very dangerous man, with very dangerous friends and even more dangerous enemies. He was killed for information.î
ìI see.î
ìThis information, the stuff our friend with the broken nose collected, could cause great problems.î
ìBut of course.î
Twentythree leaned in closer, so close I could smell his lunch on his breath. Onions. Maybe two or three of them, whole. ìI need that information.î
ìWhat do you need that information for?î
He grinned. ìI have a lot of influence, Marie. I know people. Donít ask too many questions.î I think he was joking.
ìHow do I - I donít know how to get you the information youíre looking for.î Best not to be too careful.
ìFind the jump drive. The people who killed him were looking for it, but they didnít find it. They searched his room, his laptop, and found nothing. Everything he did was stored on one little jump drive, one that he kept on him at all times. Yet they couldnít find it on his body. Find it by the end of the day. In the vendor area, the northeast corner, there is a plastic pineapple. Open it up and leave it inside. If you do so, we will get you the information you need.î
ìWhatís to stop me from just handing the jump drive over to the police?î
ìThe police wonít know what to do with it. Our friend with the broken nose is writing an exploit, one that will target a wide array of devices. Similar to Heartbleed or POODLE. The police will recognize it as a virus, but they will not know how dangerous it would be if it went public. It cannot go public. If it did, we would have copycats popping up all over the globe. The information must be found, and it must be put into the right hands to first be mitigated, and then the data destroyed.î
ìCanít I just bring the information back to you here?î
ìNo,î the man in the hat said, his voice icy. ìConsidering where they left his body, they already know youíre involved. We cannot be seen together again. Find the jump drive. Leave it in the pineapple. Succeed, and I will get you the information you need to clear your name, as well as the information the police need to solve the murder of our friend with the broken nose.î
ìAnd if I donít?î
ìThen I pity you and all of your time spent rotting in a Vegas prison. If you canít clear your name before the police come snooping around, it isnít likely youíll get out of this unscathed. You have little choice in the matter.î Twentythree stood. ìNow go. Youíve got some searching to do.î
After leaving the man in the hat, I stepped outside to get some air. Some of that dry, hot, desert air that dehydrates you so fast Ö I grabbed a water bottle out of my bag and had myself a good long drink. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to think of what to do next.
The burner phone. I pulled it out of my pocket and turned it on. One new message: Would you like to play a game?
I couldnít shake the feeling that the message was intended for me. I looked back in the phoneís history. Nothing. Not a single message. I checked the time the new message was sent. This morning, after our friend with the broken nose was already settled in my room. I shivered, thinking about how someone had driven the rascal into my room and arranged it while I slept, without my knowledge.
Youíre on, I typed back.
I thought about twentythreeís warning about dangerous people. I hit send anyway. I was already in this. They knew who I was; there was no need to pretend I wasnít involved. Besides, I had broken a guyís nose. I could take care of myself.
I hoped.
I didnít get anything back right away. I waited a few minutes more, but nothing came. I didnít want to wander around with a cell phone from a dangerous stranger, though they were probably already tracking me anyway. I turned the phone off and slid it back in my pocket.
The jump drive must still be on his body. His pockets were empty, I was sure of it. I had searched the rascal before leaving it in the hallway too and came up with nothing.
I thought of the giant floppy hat. As much as I didnít want to go back to the body, perhaps it was necessary. I wandered through the casino, past the ice machine, and into the laundry room. I grabbed the hat off his head as I walked by and placed it on my own. I tried hard not to think about the fact that I was wearing dead guy hat. I went straight for the elevators and headed up to my room, taking the hat off as soon as I got in the elevator. My head itched from wearing dead guy hat. Either that or I had caught lice from donning the Pedobear head at the party a couple nights prior. Either way, not a great feeling.
I set the hat down on the bed and had a good long look at it. I dug around in the flower a little bit until I found a jump drive stuffed in among the petals. This was it. It had to be. I turned the jump drive over in my fingers, to see if I could discern anything from it. Do I connect it to my machine? Copy it?
There was a knock at the door. I froze, debating with myself if I should answer or ignore it.
"Hello?" a female voice called.
I put the security lock on before opening the door a crack. A petite blonde girl stood there, a tall but thin acne-filled teenager at her side. Completely non threatening.
"Hi," I said.
The blonde was out of breath. "We saw you as we were getting off the elevator. We tried to catch you."
"Okay..."
"Your hat. We want it," the girl said.
"My hat?"
"With the sunflower." She held up a sheet of paper. "We're doing a scavenger hunt. Floppy hat with a sunflower, number 32 on the list. What do you want for your hat?"
"Hang on." I closed the door and grabbed the hat. I quickly searched through the petals one more time, just in case, and found nothing further. I turned the hat over and looked at the inside. Nothing. I ran my fingers along the brim, because why not. Nada.
I opened the door again, keeping the security lock in place. I slipped it through the crack in the door. "It's yours," I said. "Free of charge."
The girl gave a little jump and shouted thank you before running down the hall. If the door had been open, I'm pretty sure she would have given me a hug. Good thing I'd kept the security lock on. Enjoy your dead guy hat, I thought before getting back down to business.
What time did the vendor area close? According to the clock it was starting to get late. Better make my way down there. I couldn't afford to miss this. The elevator was slow. I flipped through the con schedule and tried to find out when the vendor area closed.
Ten minutes. I pressed the button a few more times in quick succession, because the elevator comes faster when you do that. Finally the doors opened. As I stepped inside, I caught a glimpse of the man in the hat. He was standing at the end of the hall, watching me. At least, I think he was watching me. His face was turned towards me, but it was impossible to see his eyes with that ridiculous hat from that distance.
This was a popular time for the elevator. We stopped at nearly every floor on the way down. We picked up a chatty Asian couple, a large woman with a bad smokerís cough, three blonde girls wearing something that apparently classifies as a bikini, a family of five with all their bags packed up to leave for home. Who brings little kids to Vegas?
Finally we reached the bottom. After waiting for everyone else to file out, I broke free and took off down the hall towards the vendor area, moving as quickly as I could without breaking into an all out run. The last thing I needed was to make the casino security team nervous.
The vendors were already beginning to pack up when I arrived. Which way was North? I veered right and circled the room, hoping to find the pineapple before it was gone. In corner number three I found it. The vendor was trapped in conversation with an enthusiast. Finally, a lucky break. I dropped the jump drive into the pineapple and wandered off before anyone could link me to it.
I worried the rest of the night. If twentythree knew that Jayís dead body had shown up in my room, who else knew? Undoubtedly there were security cameras in the hallway watching me steer the rascal down the hall, and more cameras near the laundry room watching me assist Jay into his seat. But those same cameras should have caught whoever had brought Jay to my room.
I stayed on site that night, attending a DEF CON party with some DJ that I didnít want to admit Iíd never heard of before. Badrequest and Shadow gave me a hard time about where Iíd been the entire day, and I reminded them that they had left me at a party at a separate hotel a couple nights before and left me to walk home alone.
Towards the end of the night, I caught a glimpse of twentythree, but Iíll remember him as the man in the hat. He gave me a slow nod, then turned and walked out of the room. I still had not received any confirmation of the identity of our friend with the broken nose or his killers.
Just before bed, I remembered the burner phone. I turned it back on to find a message detailing what would be done to me if ever I spoke of the events that occurred this weekend. Just stupid, juvenile, 4chan threats, but it made me sick to my stomach. I spent most of the next hour staring at the ceiling, hoping nobody would burst into my room to murder me in my sleep, because obviously I couldnít be bothered to wake up for measly little problems like death. Finally, I went down to Badrequest and Shadowís room, pounding on the door until they woke up and let me in. Without a word, I wandered in with the bedsheet and a pillow Iíd carried down the hall from my room, curled up on the floor, and went to sleep.
----Sunday----
All day Sunday, I waited. Sundays are a light day. People are flying home, and not everyone stays for the entire final day. I did not see the man in the hat at all, and part of me wondered if he had gone home. I stayed at the con all day long, even buying an expensive and - bonus! - disappointingly bad sandwich from the chillout lounge so that I wouldnít have to go off site for lunch. And yet, nothing.
The day seemed to drag on, until finally it was over. The closing ceremonies breezed by. Still nothing. I felt sick to my stomach. I should have taken the time to look at what was on that jump drive. I had thought about it during my frantic search for the pineapple, but I couldnít risk missing my chance to get the information to the right people, by which of course i mean the ones offering to help save my life instead of taking it.
Maybe, just maybe, if I got all packed up quick enough in the morning, I would be free from this mess. It seemed too late to call in the body near my room, considering the body was now in a place public enough for anyone to find it. Plus there was still the fact that a large group of strangers had seen me break his nose, and then Iíd lied about it. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I completely zoned out the end of the closing ceremonies.
I followed the crowd as we filed out of closing ceremonies, a bittersweet feeling of being both ready to get more than three or four hours of sleep for days on end, and knowing that it would likely be another year before I would be with a large mass of people that didnít look at me like a crazy person when I tried to describe what I did for a living. A vendor passed out T-shirts on our way out the door. He thrust a rolled up shirt at me. I took it, even though it might not have been in my size. Into the swag bag it goes. I could always give it away.
The guys approached me to finalize dinner plans. We were sharing a cab to In N Out Burger, because itís a requirement for the Sunday night of DEF CON. We donít have In N Out Burger in the Midwest, and no trip to DEF CON would be complete without it. We set a time and I started back towards my room.
There was more commotion moving through the casino than I was used to. Then I noticed that Jayís body had been moved. Panic set in. Somebody had found him and undoubtedly called the police. Perhaps I shouldnít have left his body in such a public place. But this had been the goal, ultimately. Jay had been found, and it hadnít been in my hotel room. Somewhere buried in all that mess was a win.
They were probably watching the security footage right now. Time was limited, and I still had not received my proof. I worked my way back to my room, trying to piece a believable story together in my head and failing. The best I could do was go back to the room and decompress until dinner.
I dropped my dayís bag full of swag on the bed and flopped down next to it, resting for a moment, closing my eyes to think. Not wanting to fall asleep, I sat up a few minutes later and decided to rifle through my swag to see what to keep, and what goes to the free giveaway back home. I checked out the shirt, and out fell the initial jump drive, plus a second USB drive.
I perked up, trying to remember what the guy had looked like who had given me the T-shirt and failing. I turned my laptop on and decided not to plug in the original USB drive. It held exploits, after all. I plugged in the second USB drive, and there, to my great joy, was the name of a certain organization, as well as the names of the key players within that organization. I scrolled down and all of the proof was there, in front of me. Everything needed to let me off the hook.
Someone pounded on the door to my room. ìPolice! Open up!î
I went to the door and called out, ìIím opening the door.î As soon as I began to open the door, one of the officers kicked it in the rest of the way. I barely got out of the way in time. Six officers rushed into the room, surrounding me on all sides. One had a gun drawn. Another had the handcuffs out. They were ready for me.
ìDown on your knees!î
I got down and put my hands behind my head, because thatís what they do in the movies. ìIím not the one youíre looking for.î
ìOne of the cleaners saw you chatting up the corpse in the laundry room yesterday. Called it in this afternoon when the body was still sitting there and she realized he was dead. The hall cameras caught you on tape.î
ìThe ones responsible for his death threatened me. Thereís a burner phone sitting on the counter with the message in it. The USB drive on the laptop has the names of the people involved in the organization that threatened me, and the digital forensics to back it up. Itís enough to put them away for years.î
The officer who had done most of the talking so far nodded towards the laptop. One of the other cops went over to check it out. ìIt looks legit for now,î he said, ìBut weíll have our own forensics team look over it.î
ìAt ease, everyone,î the cop in charge said. I let out a sigh of relief. ìWeíre still going to need you to come down to the station to give a statement.î He hefted me to my feet, my hands still cuffed.
ìCan you give me a ride to In N Out Burger afterwards? Itís important.î
ìClose enough to walk to if we clear this up quickly enough,î the cop said, rolling his eyes to let me know that his day had been far too long already, and I wasnít helping.
----Monday----
At the airport on our way out, the man in the hat - twentythree, I guess, since he didnít have the hat on - made his final appearance. Security made him remove his hat, and I strained to get a look at his face, but he kept his head down almost strategically, and I couldnít see anything. What was with this guy?
We made it through our courtesy TSA security snuggle at the airport. Twentythree was standing in line at a coffee shop, and nodded to me on my way through. ìThank you,î I said to him as I bustled by, avoiding eye contact.
ìDonít mention it. Ever.î
----Thursday Night----
There is nobody pretty at DEF CON.
It was my third DEF CON. Two of my fellow DEF CON members from my local group and I had managed to work our way into a so called ìexclusiveî party. The party was in the top floor penthouse of some typical Vegas hotel, it doesnít matter which one. It had a swimming pool on the balcony and free food and booze. What more could a girl want?
The biggest disappointment to me was that most of the girls at the party were of your typical Rent-A-Girl variety. There I was in the same T-shirt Iíd been wearing all day at the con. Iíd debated changing before heading out, but in typical con fashion, Iíd been distracted by four or five different people and events on my way back to my room. By the time I arrived back to drop off my stuff, I was already five minutes late meeting the guys downstairs.
To be honest, I didnít care if I got changed into something pretty for the party. This was the one time of year I was with people for days at a time who didnít care that I was kind of a nerd. I could wear my obscure shirt with the lockpick joke on it, and nobody would think less of me. Nobody would look at my shirt with that blank stare of misunderstanding. Instead, Iíd get a couple of grins and nods of respect.
I had worked hard to get into this party. The crypto that you had to solve in order to get in came out a few days before the con, and Iíd worked hard to solve it. It was quite the enigma. If weíre being honest, I wanted to get to the answer - which ultimately told you the location of the party, and the password theyíd ask for at the door - before the guys had a chance to solve it. And I had.
But the other girls at the party were far too pretty to have solved the crypto on their own. Makeup so thick on some of them you couldnít even see their real face. Unfathomable hours spent covering up what was probably a perfectly okay face, but who could say? I scoffed. Short skirts, tight tops, unreasonably loud laughter every time anybody made a reference to something they didnít understand, which with this crowd occurred oh so frequently.
All I could do was grab another free drink and brood in the corner. My comrades were off chatting up somebody far more expensive than they realized. Not wanting to participate, but also not wanting to drag them down with me, I fixed myself a small plate of free food and found a stool to attach myself to until they were finished. I didnít feel safe walking back to our hotel alone, nor could I remember offhand how we had gotten here, else I would have been out the door and off to a different con event. If I wanted to party with girls like this, I would not have come to a DEF CON exclusive party. I wanted to be with my people, not with Ö this.
Then things went from bad to worse. Not right away, of course. At first, I thought he was sweet. I will refer to him as Jay for the time being, because thatís how he introduced himself to me at the time.
He was nice at first. ìBuy you a drink?î he asked.
ìDrinks are free,î I pointed out, looking over his shoulder to try to find the guys. They were nowhere to be seen. Neither was their new girlfriend. I hoped they hadnít left the party altogether, leaving me stranded here.
ìWaiting for someone?î
ìJust checking in,î I replied. I waved at nobody in particular and smiled, so that he knew I wouldnít be taken advantage of. Sure, he was part of the DEF CON crowd, but a girl can never be too careful. Jay glanced over his shoulder, saw that nobody waved back, and looked at me with one eyebrow raised. I tried not to blush, knowing I was caught in my ruse but not wanting to let on. I did the first thing I could think of - Slid off my chair and said, ìLetís go get that drink.î
He insisted on ordering for me at the bar, though it wasnít anything fancy. The booze might have been free, but it wasnít that great of a deal when it was cheap booze to begin with. None of the good stuff. The drink hinted at stale vodka and left an intense burn all down my throat.
We chatted a little. He invited me to dance. I wasnít much of a dancer, preferring to save myself the embarrassment, but at this point Iíd had a few, and I agreed. Dark technomancer style music filled the penthouse, a DJ mixing it up live. A giant bear head was being passed around the crowd. Because I was feeling good, I put that Pedobear head right on and had myself a few minutes of dancing as the bear before my head got too hot, and I passed it on to the next potential taker.
At least if we were dancing, I wouldnít have to try to continue the awkward conversation weíd been having. I suppose he was good looking, for the con crowd, but his conversational skills left something to be desired. It was apparent that he was not accustomed to spending time with women for any extended period of time. I made him nervous, and dancing was a good break for both of us.
So we danced until we got tired, or more accurately, until Jay got sweaty. It dripped down his forehead, into his eyes, and by the looks of his shirt, down his back and sides. Nobody had ever taught Jay how to dance, and as a result he spent a lot of time flailing his arms around in no conceivable pattern, thus tiring himself out much quicker than he would have if he would just dance like a normal person. This was a great benefit to me, as it took the attention off of my lack of skill and placed in onto somebody even worse.
ìHave you seen the rest of this place?î Jay asked.
ìJust the kitchen and the pool,î I replied.
ìYouíve got to take the grand tour.î
ìI donít know Öî It sounded like a bad idea.
ìCome on, girl. When else are you going to have the chance to tour the penthouse?î
ìI suppose,î I agreed.
And so we took the grand tour. A small room with a treadmill. A guy in a full business suit was running full tilt on the treadmill, for the amusement of a couple standing nearby, cheering him on. Upstairs, the master bedroom. Glass windows overlooking the lights of the city. Six people taking a ride on a bed that rotated all on its own. A couple of guys hunched over the motor, trying to rig it up to get more speed out of it. I hopped on, Jay taking a seat next to me. We watched the cityscape pass in front of us, enjoying the ride until a guy came in with three Rent-A-Girls wanting to hop on. Time to make our exit.
There were three additional rooms upstairs. One was occupied. I pulled the door shut quickly, eyes wide. ìI think that was my friend,î I hissed. Jay laughed, as if I had made a joke. But I was pretty certain it was him, and I didnít want to see any more than I already had.
The third room was a bathroom with a large jacuzzi tub. Jay suggested we test it out, but I didnít want to be in there when somebody decided they needed to come in and take a leak.
The final upstairs room held a large screen TV and a smattering of overstuffed couches and chairs. A few people sat around, watching Ghost in the Shell. Classic. A couple got up to leave, and we took their place on a large brown couch. We settled in, the movie just barely loud enough over the music pounding downstairs. It was nearly three in the morning, and it felt good to finally sit down. The party was still going strong around us, but before long the movie came to a close, and the room we were sitting in began to clear out. The person handling the remote switched over to some show that you can only see on cable. I donít get cable at home, because I can find Game of Thrones through my private tracker and seedbox. Iím not paying for HBO or anyone else, so I didnít recognize what we were watching.
At some point, I donít really remember when, Jay put his arm around me. I was tired and just a little bit buzzed from the free drinks, so I went with it. He seemed like a nice guy. He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and I let him. It was weird for me, because I wouldnít normally allow that the first time I met a guy, but hey, itís Vegas. I was just about to pull away from him when he leaned over to whisper in my ear.
ìHow much?î he asked.
I leaned away from him. ìExcuse me?î
ìCome on, baby. Donít play games with me. How much?î he repeated, putting his hand on my leg as if I were a cheap rental.
I stood up, appalled. ìGet your filthy hands off me.î I stood there just long enough to shake my head in disgust, then turned to storm down the stairs.
ìWait!î Jay called after me. He followed me out of the room, shouting after me. ìStop!î
I whipped around, halfway down the steps. ìNo. I will not.î Jay tried to make his way down the steps, but a couple of guys who just so happened to be standing near the top of the stairs moved in his path, crossing their arms.
ìThis isnít fair! I spent a lot of time with you tonight. If I knew you were going to rip me off, I would have put my attention elsewhere!î Jay shouted as I continued down the steps. People were starting to stare. Jay broke his way through the guys at the top of the steps and chased after me, grabbing my arm.
I turned around to face him, my face hot and red with anger. ìLet Ö go Ö of Ö my Ö arm.î We had now attracted every eye in the room
ìNow,î I added.
Jay, inspired by the number of people watching, let go of my arm. ìThis isnít over,î he said.
ìHey, buddy, leave her be,î a guy stepped in. It wasnít Badrequest or Shadowcopy, my friends from my local group. They must have left.
Jay shoved the guy. The music came to a halt. ìYouíre not part of this,î Jay spat. He took a step towards me and looked as if he were about to speak. Not in the least bit interested in what he had to say, I punched him between the eyes before he could speak. A cheer spread through the room. I moved to leave the party while Jay was still hunched over, clutching his bleeding nose.
The music started up again as I walked away. Badrequest and Shadowcopy did not follow me out of the room. They must have left without me earlier in the night. Ditching me in Vegas. They wouldnít live that one down for a while.
ìJudging by the way you broke that guyís nose, I assume you donít need anyone to walk you home,î a guyís voice said behind me.
ìI broke his nose? Cool.î
ìOne can only hope,î the guy said. He had a deep voice, and as he stepped out of the shadows cast by the Vegas nightlife, I realized he was wearing an oversized top hat, with a steampunk eyeglass attached to the right side. I could barely see his face. When I tried to get a better look, he turned his head towards the ground. I got the impression it was intentional, but said nothing. He seemed nice enough, and I was glad to have someone to walk with.
We started off towards the hotel, making a little bit of small talk but mostly letting a slightly awkward silence linger between us. I assured my new friend and his fancy hat that Iíd be fine getting up to my room alone, and thanked him for the walk. I arrived back at my room, took a good long shower, and settled in for a few solid hours of sleep.
----Friday----
I woke up face down on the bed, a puddle of drool soaking my pillow. I groaned and rolled over. Itís too early, I think. But I can sleep on the plane on the way home. For now, Iíve got to get back. I had to get over to the villages. A guy I met yesterday told me heíd help me solder a couple extras onto my badge. Not to mention I had an entire dayís worth of talks picked out to miss. No worries; Iíd catch them on the CD later.
By the time I arrived, the hardware hacking village is already full. Only one soldering iron remained free. I took a seat, nodding to the guy who said heíd help me, hoping he remembers me from the day before. It seems he does, but heís busy helping others. I take a seat and get my pieces out, knowing heíll come over as soon as he can.
And then the guy across from me lifts his head, and itís Jay. White gauze covers his nose. His eyes are dark, matching the sea of dark shirts behind him. His nose veers just a little bit to the left, swollen and ugly.
He looks surprised to see me.
I begin to gather my things. I mutter something that even I donít comprehend when NAME, my soldering hookup, comes over to assist. ìNot leaving already, are you?î he asks. ìWe havenít even started.î
I look at Jay, and we remain frozen in place for a few moments. NAME follows my gaze. ìOuch. Somebody got in a real good hit. Looks fresh.î
ìYeah. It was me,î I said. ìLast night.î
NAME looked back and forth between us, until Jay broke the awkward silence by getting up in a huff. He tried to scowl at me on his way out, but the bandage and the bruising made it nearly unrecognizable. He didnít even bother trying to pack everything back in his bag neatly. It didnít matter. Everything got pushed into his bag with one big sweep. A few components fell to the floor. They must not have been too important, because Jay decided to sacrifice them to the the soldering station floor. He took off, and within a minute somebody took over his chair.
ìSnuck up behind me when I didnít expect it,î I mumbled. ìGuy walks like a ninja. I donít even know him.î
NAME nodded, knowing I wasnít being completely honest but not caring what the truth of the situation was. Sometimes you just donít ask.
I spent a couple hours soldering, then moved over to the contest area to see what contests were winding up. I browsed for a little bit when who should appear but Shadowcopy and Badrequest.
ìThanks, guys, for spending all that time with me last night,î I said.
ìYou seemed to be doing all right for yourself,î Badrequest said.
ìRight.î I bumped into somebody from behind, or maybe he bumped into me. I turned around to apologize and came face to face with Jay. He gave me a foreboding look and continued on his way.
ìWasnít that the guy you were with last night?î Shadowcopy asked.
ìYeah, right before you ditched me,î I replied.
ìSorry,î Badrequest said, and started to make up some lame excuse about who contacted them and where they needed to be, and how suddenly they were partying with a bunch of goons and life was good. Finally he had the sense to come back to the question Iíd been dreading: ìWhat happened to that guy anyway? He looks pretty beat up.î
ìPedobear,î I replied. ìI was dancing with the bear head on, and didnít realize just how big it was. Caught him in the eye.î
ìIt looked like his nose was broken.î
ìCaught him in the eye and the nose. Listen, I gotta go.î
ìWait. Want to meet up for lunch?î
ìIíll find you,î I called over my shoulder. ìIíve got to catch a talk. Starts in five.î
And I would have. I really would have made it to the talk, only I got caught up in conversation with a couple of guys Iíd never met before about the crypto on the floor, part of l0stís badge puzzle that year. We were giving each other tips, going back and forth on what we knew about the clues, keeping our voices low so that we wouldnít share our trade secrets with too many people.
I gleaned more from them than they did from me, but I was able to give them a hint or two that they hadnít thought through before. They were pretty hard core, writing all of their notes in a shabby looking lined notebook, and retreating to the depths of someplace I didnít even want to know about as soon as they had gotten all the information they believed they were going to get out of me. There was a room, back in a dark corner, behind the room where the blood drive was going on, that seemed to host a certain breed of black badge enthusiasts. Kids who havenít slept in 32 hours, trying for that mystical black badge offering entry to all DEF CONs for the rest of time, so they could take their sacred black badge home and caress it and call it ìmy preciousî.
ìWhat happened to that guyís face?î the girl next to me whispered to her friend.
I looked up to see Jay. ìHe couldnít handle the kickback from a gun at the shoot. I tried to warn him to leave the big guns to the real men,î I said to them before walking right up to Jay.
ìStop following me.î
He grunted. ìHavenít you done enough?î
ìIím serious.î
ìStop telling lies about me.î
ìYou deserved that punch,î I said, a little bit too loud. People were starting to avoid us in the hallway. Not wanting to cause another scene, I took off. I glanced back to make sure Jay was not following.
All day, everywhere I went, Jay was there. The vendor area. The restaurant we went to for dinner. Yes, I met up with Shadowcopy and Badrequest. We skipped lunch. No time. We were too busy missing all the talks we had every intention of going to. Lunch for me was half a granola bar Iíd shoved into my bag earlier that day. After spending the day adding bits and pieces to the bag, the granola bar had worked its way to the bottom, and most of it was flattened. It tasted like hay and smelled like the sweat of thousands of hackers. I ate the non-flattened side and threw the rest away.
We tried four different parties that night - two on site at the con, and two off site. Jay was at three of them. Each encounter was more uncomfortable than the one before. Jay actually started brooding like a teenage boy a little bit more each time he saw me. People began to ask what Iíd done to the poor guy that made him so upset to see me. Each time I came up with a new story. We shared a cab and got in a minor traffic accident. I opened the door too fast and it hit him in the face. We were playing ball, and I canít throw to save my life - which is true, by the way.
ìWhoís the guy in the jacket and the hat thatís been following him around all day?î Shadow asked at dinner.
ìI hadnít noticed,î I admitted. ìIíve been trying so hard to avoid him all day, I wasnít paying attention to anyone else.î
ìMaybe itís time you do,î Shadow said. ìHe looks a little shady.î
Every time I saw Jay for the rest of the day, I noticed the man in the hat, not so far behind. How I missed him before was a miracle, his too-tall top hat with the steampunk eyeglass attached to the right side. None other than the man in the hat that had walked me home the night before. What business did he have with Jay?
When we left the third party, I made sure to hunt Jay down and tell him exactly where we were going. I made sure he was clear on the fact that I was sharing this information with him specifically so that he would NOT show up. To my great surprise, it worked. Neither Jay nor the man in the hat showed up, and I was finally able to enjoy my night.
----Saturday----
To my great disappointment, I awoke Saturday morning to find Jay passed out drunk in my hotel room. I was certain he had not been there when I went to bed. I wondered how heíd gotten in. He just sat there, slumped over on a pimped out rascal, a big floppy hat with a sunflower propped up on his head. His arms lay limp at his sides, a bottle of beer still half full in his right hand. Giant movie star sunglasses covered his two black eyes and part of the white tape that covered his broken nose.
ìYouíve got to be kidding me.î I pulled a sweater on over my pajama top, not wanting Jay to see me in my pajamas. ìUp,î I said. Jay didnít respond. I put my hands on his shoulders and gave him a good shake. The beer sloshed over the side of the bottle, onto the carpet. Some sloshed onto his hand. He did not wake up.
I slapped him across the face. It felt pretty good, until I realized that he was dead. Jayís body was thrown off balance, and he fell - hard - off the rascal. The beer began oozing out of the bottle. The sunglasses slid partway off his face.
So, to recap, I had just slapped the dead body of the guy whose nose I had broken during a very public, music-stopping fight, and his remains were now laying on the floor of my hotel room. It dawned on me that I had spent the previous day telling lies about that broken nose, often denying that I knew Jay at all.
This did not look good for me.
I knew I hadnít killed him, but the police were not likely to believe me, and the last thing I wanted to be responsible for was the Vegas police crawling all over DEF CON. That sounded like a great way to be the least popular person at the con, and I did not want to get on the bad side of the guys who were fanatics about their anonymity.
I did the only thing I could think of to do in the moment. I searched the body.
The first peculiar thing I found was that Jay had two badges on his person. One vendor badge, indicating that he was here in the capacity of a sales person, and one black badge. I had never held an actual black badge before, so I didnít know what they looked like. This one appeared to be authentic. Why would he have two badges on him? Had he stolen the black badge from somebody? Did he get the vendor get a free badge, and thatís why he had two? I would have to find out.
Jay also had a small burner phone. The power was off, and I decided against attempting to turn it on in the hotel room, just to be safe.
Another peculiar thing I found was the lack of any sort of identification on this guy. No driverís license, no credit cards. Not even a handful of change. Other than the badges and the burner phone, this guy had nothing on him. This left me very little to go on. It didnít strike me as a robbery, and even if it had been, the odds that his body would end up in my room while I slept was near impossible.
The pimped out rascal was obviously important, because of the pimp my rascal competition at the con. How long did they have to pimp out their rascal? Surely the competition couldnít be over already by Saturday morning. Somebody would be looking for the rascal. I would need to get it out of the room before they started looking too hard for it. Maybe I could Weekend at Bernieís Jayís body right out of my room on that rascal and dump the rascal somewhere far away from the body before somebody felt the need to look in my room for it.
I dragged Jayís body back up onto the rascal, getting him all settled in. I propped the giant floppy sunflower hat back on his head and made sure the sunglasses appropriately covered his two black eyes. I pried the beer out of his hand and set the now sticky bottle in the sink. ìThere we go. All set,î I said as I repositioned him just a little bit to the left. A sure sign that it was time to get moving, before I did something really crazy.
The most awkward part was trying to position myself on the rascal without knocking Jay off, all the while touching the dead body for the absolute minimal amount of time possible. I shuddered at the thought.
I took that rascal out of the room, down the hall to the elevator, and down into the guest laundry room. I propped Jayís body up, big floppy hat and all, with a book teetering precariously in his hands.
I rode the rascal down the hall towards the conference, debating whether I should leave it outside or ride it in and wait for someone to talk to me about it. I opted to leave it in the hall, just out of sight of the goons at the front entrance. If whoever recognized it knew Jay had been with it, they might link me back to him and ask where heíd been, and Iíd already exhausted all my good excuses for the broken nose.
I meandered into the conference, attempting nonchalance. My next step was to find out who this guy was, and why he was murdered. No problem. I was only at a conference known for anonymity, that asks no real names, where everyone went by their pseudonyms and handles.
This was going to be tough.
I went first to the vendor area. I had powered through here yesterday, but I couldnít recall having seen Jay. Looking back, it was the only place I hadnít run into him the entire day. So I did the only thing I could think of to do. I picked a corner of the room and began going booth to booth, asking for the guy whose nose I had broken. I wanted to apologize, I told them, for the damage I had done. Which, of course, was a lie. Jay deserved that punch. But it couldnít hurt to throw it out there to the public that I was looking for him, and wanted to apologize.
Finally I found someone that knew him. ìHe never showed up this morning,î the guy working the booth complained. ìHe spent most of yesterday walking around too. Thatís the problem with volunteers. Sometimes they want to get paid, but they donít want to do the work.î
ìHe fill out any info for this gig?î
ìThis con? We pay cash. Donít ask names. There isnít any credible info recorded.î
ìWhat did he have you call him?î
ìBrenton.î
ìDo you know what he was interested in at the con?î
ìSeemed like he spent a lot of time in the villages. Said he was on to something big. Was on his laptop half the time, even when he was at the booth.î
ìThanks.î
ìWant to buy a T-shirt?î
I glanced at his stock. The only ladies cut shirts were pink. ìMaybe later,î I lied. Pink disgusts me. ìThanks for the info. Iíll send him back over here if I find him.î
On my way over to the contest area, I noticed someone riding the pimped out rascal down the hall. I followed it, making my way through the overcrowded halls as quickly as I could. I caught up to the girl driving it when she finally stopped.
ìNice ride,î I said.
ìThanks.î
ìYou do that all yourself?î
ìGroup effort.î She looked at the time, uninterested in me or what I had to say.
ìWaiting for someone?î
ìYep.î
ìGuy with a broken nose?î
She looked me in the eye for the first time. ìHowíd you know?î
ìI broke it. Wanted to apologize.î
ìYeah, well, heís late.î
ìDo you know his name? Where I can find him?î
ìHe goes by Jacked1n. If I knew where to find him, Iíd be with him right now. Just leaves our rascal sitting in the middle of the hall where anyone can take it,î she muttered.
ìMaybe he had to go to the bathroom.î
ìDoubt it.î
ìThanks for your help.î
She checked the time again and looked around, annoyed. Not really a people person, that one.
By chance, I wandered past a cabinet displaying counterfeit badge winners. I managed to find my way to someone who would know. I asked about the black badge I had found in Jayís pocket. ìItís counterfeit, all right,î the contest organizer assured me after studying it for a moment. ìItís just a really good counterfeit. And I know who made it.î
ìReally? Because Iím looking for him.î
The contest organizer was still holding the counterfeit badge. ìI can take you to him.î
My heart began to beat a little faster. ìThat would be great,î I said. ìThank you.î
I followed the contest organizer down the hall, past the room where they took blood donations, past the room with the black badge enthusiasts, and through a door I hadnít even noticed before. We entered a small room I never would have found on my own. The contest organizer opened the door for me and handed me the counterfeit black badge. ìReturn this to him for me, would you?î
ìOf course,î I said, my voice squeaking out of my throat so badly that I almost didnít recognize it.
The lights were so low it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. I jumped a little when I saw the man in the hat.
ìSit,î he said.
I took a seat across from him. I still could not see his face. He had his arms crossed over his chest, his feet propped up on top of the table. He moved his feet one by one, his steel toed boots clomp, clomping, down to the floor. He leaned forward. ìIíve been waiting for you,î he said.
ìI never got your name.î
ìMy handle is twentythree. I believe you have my badge?î
I handed it over to him. He turned it over a couple times, then stuck it in his bag. ìYou wish to know of our friend with the broken nose.î
ìWho is he?î
The left corner of his mouth curled up into a smile. ìWhatís it worth to you?î
ìWhat do you want?î
ìInformation.î
I leaned forward. ìI donít know if youíve noticed, but you seem to be more the kind of guy to have access to information than I am.î
Twentythree leaned forward. ìI know that heís dead.î
ìSee that? You clearly know more than I do. Because last I saw him Ö î I trailed off, knowing the shock on my face had already betrayed me. No sense prolonging the lie. ìWhat is it that you need to know?î
ìOur friend with the broken nose has been around for a long time, Marie.î The use of my real name made my heart beat a little bit faster. ìHe is a very dangerous man, with very dangerous friends and even more dangerous enemies. He was killed for information.î
ìI see.î
ìThis information, the stuff our friend with the broken nose collected, could cause great problems.î
ìBut of course.î
Twentythree leaned in closer, so close I could smell his lunch on his breath. Onions. Maybe two or three of them, whole. ìI need that information.î
ìWhat do you need that information for?î
He grinned. ìI have a lot of influence, Marie. I know people. Donít ask too many questions.î I think he was joking.
ìHow do I - I donít know how to get you the information youíre looking for.î Best not to be too careful.
ìFind the jump drive. The people who killed him were looking for it, but they didnít find it. They searched his room, his laptop, and found nothing. Everything he did was stored on one little jump drive, one that he kept on him at all times. Yet they couldnít find it on his body. Find it by the end of the day. In the vendor area, the northeast corner, there is a plastic pineapple. Open it up and leave it inside. If you do so, we will get you the information you need.î
ìWhatís to stop me from just handing the jump drive over to the police?î
ìThe police wonít know what to do with it. Our friend with the broken nose is writing an exploit, one that will target a wide array of devices. Similar to Heartbleed or POODLE. The police will recognize it as a virus, but they will not know how dangerous it would be if it went public. It cannot go public. If it did, we would have copycats popping up all over the globe. The information must be found, and it must be put into the right hands to first be mitigated, and then the data destroyed.î
ìCanít I just bring the information back to you here?î
ìNo,î the man in the hat said, his voice icy. ìConsidering where they left his body, they already know youíre involved. We cannot be seen together again. Find the jump drive. Leave it in the pineapple. Succeed, and I will get you the information you need to clear your name, as well as the information the police need to solve the murder of our friend with the broken nose.î
ìAnd if I donít?î
ìThen I pity you and all of your time spent rotting in a Vegas prison. If you canít clear your name before the police come snooping around, it isnít likely youíll get out of this unscathed. You have little choice in the matter.î Twentythree stood. ìNow go. Youíve got some searching to do.î
After leaving the man in the hat, I stepped outside to get some air. Some of that dry, hot, desert air that dehydrates you so fast Ö I grabbed a water bottle out of my bag and had myself a good long drink. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to think of what to do next.
The burner phone. I pulled it out of my pocket and turned it on. One new message: Would you like to play a game?
I couldnít shake the feeling that the message was intended for me. I looked back in the phoneís history. Nothing. Not a single message. I checked the time the new message was sent. This morning, after our friend with the broken nose was already settled in my room. I shivered, thinking about how someone had driven the rascal into my room and arranged it while I slept, without my knowledge.
Youíre on, I typed back.
I thought about twentythreeís warning about dangerous people. I hit send anyway. I was already in this. They knew who I was; there was no need to pretend I wasnít involved. Besides, I had broken a guyís nose. I could take care of myself.
I hoped.
I didnít get anything back right away. I waited a few minutes more, but nothing came. I didnít want to wander around with a cell phone from a dangerous stranger, though they were probably already tracking me anyway. I turned the phone off and slid it back in my pocket.
The jump drive must still be on his body. His pockets were empty, I was sure of it. I had searched the rascal before leaving it in the hallway too and came up with nothing.
I thought of the giant floppy hat. As much as I didnít want to go back to the body, perhaps it was necessary. I wandered through the casino, past the ice machine, and into the laundry room. I grabbed the hat off his head as I walked by and placed it on my own. I tried hard not to think about the fact that I was wearing dead guy hat. I went straight for the elevators and headed up to my room, taking the hat off as soon as I got in the elevator. My head itched from wearing dead guy hat. Either that or I had caught lice from donning the Pedobear head at the party a couple nights prior. Either way, not a great feeling.
I set the hat down on the bed and had a good long look at it. I dug around in the flower a little bit until I found a jump drive stuffed in among the petals. This was it. It had to be. I turned the jump drive over in my fingers, to see if I could discern anything from it. Do I connect it to my machine? Copy it?
There was a knock at the door. I froze, debating with myself if I should answer or ignore it.
"Hello?" a female voice called.
I put the security lock on before opening the door a crack. A petite blonde girl stood there, a tall but thin acne-filled teenager at her side. Completely non threatening.
"Hi," I said.
The blonde was out of breath. "We saw you as we were getting off the elevator. We tried to catch you."
"Okay..."
"Your hat. We want it," the girl said.
"My hat?"
"With the sunflower." She held up a sheet of paper. "We're doing a scavenger hunt. Floppy hat with a sunflower, number 32 on the list. What do you want for your hat?"
"Hang on." I closed the door and grabbed the hat. I quickly searched through the petals one more time, just in case, and found nothing further. I turned the hat over and looked at the inside. Nothing. I ran my fingers along the brim, because why not. Nada.
I opened the door again, keeping the security lock in place. I slipped it through the crack in the door. "It's yours," I said. "Free of charge."
The girl gave a little jump and shouted thank you before running down the hall. If the door had been open, I'm pretty sure she would have given me a hug. Good thing I'd kept the security lock on. Enjoy your dead guy hat, I thought before getting back down to business.
What time did the vendor area close? According to the clock it was starting to get late. Better make my way down there. I couldn't afford to miss this. The elevator was slow. I flipped through the con schedule and tried to find out when the vendor area closed.
Ten minutes. I pressed the button a few more times in quick succession, because the elevator comes faster when you do that. Finally the doors opened. As I stepped inside, I caught a glimpse of the man in the hat. He was standing at the end of the hall, watching me. At least, I think he was watching me. His face was turned towards me, but it was impossible to see his eyes with that ridiculous hat from that distance.
This was a popular time for the elevator. We stopped at nearly every floor on the way down. We picked up a chatty Asian couple, a large woman with a bad smokerís cough, three blonde girls wearing something that apparently classifies as a bikini, a family of five with all their bags packed up to leave for home. Who brings little kids to Vegas?
Finally we reached the bottom. After waiting for everyone else to file out, I broke free and took off down the hall towards the vendor area, moving as quickly as I could without breaking into an all out run. The last thing I needed was to make the casino security team nervous.
The vendors were already beginning to pack up when I arrived. Which way was North? I veered right and circled the room, hoping to find the pineapple before it was gone. In corner number three I found it. The vendor was trapped in conversation with an enthusiast. Finally, a lucky break. I dropped the jump drive into the pineapple and wandered off before anyone could link me to it.
I worried the rest of the night. If twentythree knew that Jayís dead body had shown up in my room, who else knew? Undoubtedly there were security cameras in the hallway watching me steer the rascal down the hall, and more cameras near the laundry room watching me assist Jay into his seat. But those same cameras should have caught whoever had brought Jay to my room.
I stayed on site that night, attending a DEF CON party with some DJ that I didnít want to admit Iíd never heard of before. Badrequest and Shadow gave me a hard time about where Iíd been the entire day, and I reminded them that they had left me at a party at a separate hotel a couple nights before and left me to walk home alone.
Towards the end of the night, I caught a glimpse of twentythree, but Iíll remember him as the man in the hat. He gave me a slow nod, then turned and walked out of the room. I still had not received any confirmation of the identity of our friend with the broken nose or his killers.
Just before bed, I remembered the burner phone. I turned it back on to find a message detailing what would be done to me if ever I spoke of the events that occurred this weekend. Just stupid, juvenile, 4chan threats, but it made me sick to my stomach. I spent most of the next hour staring at the ceiling, hoping nobody would burst into my room to murder me in my sleep, because obviously I couldnít be bothered to wake up for measly little problems like death. Finally, I went down to Badrequest and Shadowís room, pounding on the door until they woke up and let me in. Without a word, I wandered in with the bedsheet and a pillow Iíd carried down the hall from my room, curled up on the floor, and went to sleep.
----Sunday----
All day Sunday, I waited. Sundays are a light day. People are flying home, and not everyone stays for the entire final day. I did not see the man in the hat at all, and part of me wondered if he had gone home. I stayed at the con all day long, even buying an expensive and - bonus! - disappointingly bad sandwich from the chillout lounge so that I wouldnít have to go off site for lunch. And yet, nothing.
The day seemed to drag on, until finally it was over. The closing ceremonies breezed by. Still nothing. I felt sick to my stomach. I should have taken the time to look at what was on that jump drive. I had thought about it during my frantic search for the pineapple, but I couldnít risk missing my chance to get the information to the right people, by which of course i mean the ones offering to help save my life instead of taking it.
Maybe, just maybe, if I got all packed up quick enough in the morning, I would be free from this mess. It seemed too late to call in the body near my room, considering the body was now in a place public enough for anyone to find it. Plus there was still the fact that a large group of strangers had seen me break his nose, and then Iíd lied about it. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I completely zoned out the end of the closing ceremonies.
I followed the crowd as we filed out of closing ceremonies, a bittersweet feeling of being both ready to get more than three or four hours of sleep for days on end, and knowing that it would likely be another year before I would be with a large mass of people that didnít look at me like a crazy person when I tried to describe what I did for a living. A vendor passed out T-shirts on our way out the door. He thrust a rolled up shirt at me. I took it, even though it might not have been in my size. Into the swag bag it goes. I could always give it away.
The guys approached me to finalize dinner plans. We were sharing a cab to In N Out Burger, because itís a requirement for the Sunday night of DEF CON. We donít have In N Out Burger in the Midwest, and no trip to DEF CON would be complete without it. We set a time and I started back towards my room.
There was more commotion moving through the casino than I was used to. Then I noticed that Jayís body had been moved. Panic set in. Somebody had found him and undoubtedly called the police. Perhaps I shouldnít have left his body in such a public place. But this had been the goal, ultimately. Jay had been found, and it hadnít been in my hotel room. Somewhere buried in all that mess was a win.
They were probably watching the security footage right now. Time was limited, and I still had not received my proof. I worked my way back to my room, trying to piece a believable story together in my head and failing. The best I could do was go back to the room and decompress until dinner.
I dropped my dayís bag full of swag on the bed and flopped down next to it, resting for a moment, closing my eyes to think. Not wanting to fall asleep, I sat up a few minutes later and decided to rifle through my swag to see what to keep, and what goes to the free giveaway back home. I checked out the shirt, and out fell the initial jump drive, plus a second USB drive.
I perked up, trying to remember what the guy had looked like who had given me the T-shirt and failing. I turned my laptop on and decided not to plug in the original USB drive. It held exploits, after all. I plugged in the second USB drive, and there, to my great joy, was the name of a certain organization, as well as the names of the key players within that organization. I scrolled down and all of the proof was there, in front of me. Everything needed to let me off the hook.
Someone pounded on the door to my room. ìPolice! Open up!î
I went to the door and called out, ìIím opening the door.î As soon as I began to open the door, one of the officers kicked it in the rest of the way. I barely got out of the way in time. Six officers rushed into the room, surrounding me on all sides. One had a gun drawn. Another had the handcuffs out. They were ready for me.
ìDown on your knees!î
I got down and put my hands behind my head, because thatís what they do in the movies. ìIím not the one youíre looking for.î
ìOne of the cleaners saw you chatting up the corpse in the laundry room yesterday. Called it in this afternoon when the body was still sitting there and she realized he was dead. The hall cameras caught you on tape.î
ìThe ones responsible for his death threatened me. Thereís a burner phone sitting on the counter with the message in it. The USB drive on the laptop has the names of the people involved in the organization that threatened me, and the digital forensics to back it up. Itís enough to put them away for years.î
The officer who had done most of the talking so far nodded towards the laptop. One of the other cops went over to check it out. ìIt looks legit for now,î he said, ìBut weíll have our own forensics team look over it.î
ìAt ease, everyone,î the cop in charge said. I let out a sigh of relief. ìWeíre still going to need you to come down to the station to give a statement.î He hefted me to my feet, my hands still cuffed.
ìCan you give me a ride to In N Out Burger afterwards? Itís important.î
ìClose enough to walk to if we clear this up quickly enough,î the cop said, rolling his eyes to let me know that his day had been far too long already, and I wasnít helping.
----Monday----
At the airport on our way out, the man in the hat - twentythree, I guess, since he didnít have the hat on - made his final appearance. Security made him remove his hat, and I strained to get a look at his face, but he kept his head down almost strategically, and I couldnít see anything. What was with this guy?
We made it through our courtesy TSA security snuggle at the airport. Twentythree was standing in line at a coffee shop, and nodded to me on my way through. ìThank you,î I said to him as I bustled by, avoiding eye contact.
ìDonít mention it. Ever.î
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