Other ways of writing things + 2 jokes [humor]

[TheCotMan]

"Word jumbles" I have tried to hide various system messages, error codes, and output from systems in the following phrases. If you want to play, just post what you think they mean. (I am sure some may have more that one answer which works, and if an answer works, then it is correct, but some may be more correct than others.)

AFAIK, these are original and created by me just for this post.

[Hint: think *NIX, a "Thing", not a message]
Unhnhnhnhnhnhnhnhn.... 3662 requests more brains....Uhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhn

[Hint: Think windows]
The immediate subordinate to the Field Marshal failed to protect me.

[No Hint]
Klink from Stallag 13 was in a tizzy when he was unable to find a cut on himself.
or
Klink from Stallag 13 was in a tizzy when he was unable to sit on a moving blade.

[No hint]
This document covering the horses racing this afternoon seems to been unable to meet the guidelines we expected so we will cancel the horse race today.

[No Hint]
Calling Dr Phial, please report to the platter.

[No Hint]
The unmarried middle-aged daughter of Louis (from Loius and Clark) has made a mistake and fell to her death through some wall mounted glass.

[No Hint]
It was a mistake for this digit to be torn in two pieces by a freaking zero!

[No Hint]
We cannot dock our ship to unload our cargo since others beat us to it.

[Windows]
Pilot of the pseudo-tool did not Start Denver's Little League.

[Linux]
"I think, therefor I am. You don't therefore..." and "leave my presence."

[Linux]
Xerg "1222" is generating more Xerg too quickly, so we will pause the game for 5 minutes.

Most of these should be pretty easy with a little thought.

Will include original answers later. (Of course, someone will probably answer all of them before you even read this.)

Good Luck!

Value added to this post:

2 Separate jokes to include here:
MS Slogans which did not make it:
"With the power of Microsoft's Legendary OS, you do not need to bother yourself with silly system administration tasks; you can leverage the power of the Internet as anonymous users administer your box for you!"

MS says: "Where do you want to go today?"
Your parents or (ex-)SigO say: Where have you been?"
The NSA says: "We know where you were, are and will be."
No. Wait. They would not say anything, would they?

[phobal]

you're a tad bit zealous...

[noid]

I'm so utterly confused..

[lil_freak]

I think I know this one, plus it's really slow at work so I thought I would take a shot at your "Word jumbles".

[Hint: Think windows]
The immediate subordinate to the Field Marshal failed to protect me.

Error Code 32
The process cannot access the file because it is being used by another process.

[No Hint]
We cannot dock our ship to unload our cargo since others beat us to it.

Error Code 6 (Windows)
Another device is using the resources this device needs.

I'm so utterly confused..

It's only confusing if you put to much thought effort into it :D

[TheCotMan]

you're a tad bit zealous...

I have a lot of confidence in the knowledge of many of the people in this forum. (I'm also hoping that many like to play words games or complete other puzzles they find. :-)

"The immediate subordinate to the Field Marshal failed to protect me."

Error Code 32
The process cannot access the file because it is being used by another process.

This one can be made to fit, and as a result is a correct answer. ( As I said, there can be more than one correct answer :-)

The original message is a common one to some versions of windows:
(The immediate subordinate to the Field Marshal) = General
(failed to protect) = Protection Fault/Failure
There are others which can be derived from this one too.

I'm so utterly confused..

Sorry, my fault. I should have provided examples of some in plain-text so that it would make more sense.

These tend to be general errors or general messages which are found often enough for most people in the world who are heavy users of each OS to encounter them. You don't have to be exact as this is supposed to be fun.

Let me offer some freebies as examples from the original post:

"It was a mistake for this digit to be torn in two pieces by a freaking zero! "
[Illegal||Invalid|| Exception Caught|| Unhandled Exception] Integer Divide by Zero [error|*]
(Many OS have different ways of reporting "divide by zero" as do some apps/languages)

(Linux "Thing")
"Unhnhnhnhnhnhnhnhn.... 3662 requests more brains....Uhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhn"
This thing was not a message (as stated in the hint) it is a "zombie process with PID 3662" (yes, this one was really bad. If you do not like it, I'll refund the money I charged you to read it.)

"Xerg "1222" is generating more Xerg too quickly, so we will pause the game for 5 minutes."
I don't play it, but many people do... StarCraft has a race called the Xerg who spawn very quickly. However, you do not need to know this in order to figure this one out...
ID 1222 is respawning to quickly [logging||listings||process||*] paused for 5 minutes;
A common error message with sysadmins when mods to /etc/inittab for various tty are misconfigured. Also found in other services where problems exist to execute, fault and restart too fast. Sometimes seen associated in syslog files with "previous message repeated X times."

"We cannot dock our ship to unload our cargo since others beat us to it."
Many would work here...
Port busy,
Port in use
port not open
unable to open port
port is blocking
(etc)
It can also be used to describe buffer underrun, incomplete FIFO data and lost streams, and others...

Again, with many of these, there is not single correct answer. If you find somehting that seems to fit, then it is likely correct.

I tried to reference really common error messages to Linux and Windows. Many of the Linux ones will actually apply to MacOSX (obviously) but I did not include any for less frequently used OS such as TRSDOS, DR-DOS, CP/M, DOS3.3, ProDOS, MacOS 4-9, OS/2, BeOS, etc. as these are too archaic or limited in use.

[Edit: added text:]
If you guess incorrectly, I won't bite your head off of make fun of you.

Also, if you have games like this, I'd like to see them too.

[skroo]

Unhnhnhnhnhnhnhnhn.... 3662 requests more brains....Uhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhn

Zombie process.

The immediate subordinate to the Field Marshal failed to protect me.

General protection fault.

Klink from Stallag 13 was in a tizzy when he was unable to find a cut on himself.

Kernel panic: can't locate...

Klink from Stallag 13 was in a tizzy when he was unable to sit on a moving blade.

Kernel panic: can't...

It was a mistake for this digit to be torn in two pieces by a freaking zero!

Divide by zero error.

Xerg "1222" is generating more Xerg too quickly, so we will pause the game for 5 minutes.

OMG ZERGRUSH! (Not really, I'm just bored right now.)

[TheCotMan]

Holy kick-ass batman!

Zombie process.
General protection fault.
Kernel panic: can't locate...
Kernel panic: can't...
Divide by zero error.
OMG ZERGRUSH! (Not really, I'm just bored right now.)

[Zombie process]
[BINGO]
General protection fault.
BINGO!
Kernel panic: can't locate...
Very close... Kernel panic: can't locate "slash" aka root
Kernel panic: can't...
Also very close... Kernel panic: can't MOUNT "slash" aka root (Yikes!)
Divide by zero error.
BINGO!

Dang man, you kick ass!

[Edit: added text in [] above... missed it in first round of copy and paste]

[boombox]

[No hint]
This document covering the horses racing this afternoon seems to been unable to meet the guidelines we expected so we will cancel the horse race today.

The program has caused an illegal operation and will be shut down

[No Hint]
Calling Dr Phial, please report to the platter.

Paging file to disk

[No Hint]
The unmarried middle-aged daughter of Louis (from Loius and Clark) has made a mistake and fell to her death through some wall mounted glass.

MS Explorer has generated errors and will be closed by Windows

[Windows]
Pilot of the pseudo-tool did not Start Denver's Little League.

vxd failed to start the dll

[Linux]
"I think, therefor I am. You don't therefore..." and "leave my presence."

You do not exist. Go away!


Heh heh, nice one!!!

[TheCotMan]

The program has caused an illegal operation and will be shut down
Paging file to disk
MS Explorer has generated errors and will be closed by Windows
vxd failed to start the dll
You do not exist. Go away!
Heh heh, nice one!!!

The program has caused an illegal operation and will be shut down
DING!DING!DING!

Paging file to disk
DING!DING!DING!

MS Explorer has generated errors and will be closed by Windows
DING!DING!DING! (OK, So maybe renaming Lewis to Louis so it looks like Lois and Clark was too much in the way of an evil trick.)

vxd failed to start the dll
DING!DING!DING! (Virtual Device Drivers... fun and playtime)

You do not exist. Go away!
DING!DING!DING! (Yep. The message that appeared on some *NIX systems like early Linux which would appear if you were using a UID not present in /etc/passwd)

Congrats! Very well done.

This game is over and our winners are Skroo, Boombox, and Lil Freak. I do not have much in the way of prizes, but might be able to offer each of you a beer at the con. :-) If beer is not acceptable, suggest a comparable drink and I'll see what I can do.

Of course, just because the game is over does not mean...

Oh wait. I just had a tap on my shoulder and this guys is telling me I am not allowed to post any more games like this or else he will show me what is means to "mount slash".

Thanks for playing!

[phobal]

Thanks for playing!

No no, THAAANK YOU.

[bascule]

Bad computer humor, huh? How about this:

"If Hewlett-Packard were instead named Packard-Hewlett, what would they have called their Unix derivative?"

[TheCotMan]

Bad computer humor, huh? How about this:
"If Hewlett-Packard were instead named Packard-Hewlett, what would they have called their Unix derivative?"

Heh heh :-)
Me-likey!

Here is one... Assume you have a machine with a 4 bit word size.
Unsigned int: 0110 would be 6
Unsigned int: 1001 would be 9
Together they would be 69!
If you add them, you would get 1111 and that would be an.... f-word

hahahaha. Does it count as a bad computer joke? If not, I can make more!
(No, I did not create this one.)

[LosT]

bad computer jokes...

Here is one... Assume you have a machine with a 4 bit word size.
Unsigned int: 0110 would be 6
Unsigned int: 1001 would be 9
Together they would be 69!
If you add them, you would get 1111 and that would be an.... f-word

Hehe, reminds me of the old one about the programmer who kept confusing christmas and Halloween.....(gotta love Octal jokes)


But my favorite all time old bad computer joke is this one:

Q: How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: No.


LosT

[TheCotMan]

...the old one about the programmer who kept confusing christmas and Halloween.....(gotta love Octal jokes)
[chop]
Q: How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No.

Here is another one which can be used to make fun of people:
"That guy has a one bit brain with parity error."

(Hehehe... associate and me used that one many, many years ago for great fun)

[bascule]

Here is another one which can be used to make fun of people:
"That guy has a one bit brain with parity error."

(Hehehe... associate and me used that one many, many years ago for great fun)

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.